Gubmint

If there’s one thing that stands out to me about America and Americans in general it’s their detachment from the rest of the world and its ideas. There seems to be a lack of engagement that frequently stems from ignorance, but is defended as “pride”, “nationalism” or “freedom”. There are stratas of people who hate this situation and actively fight against it, but very few of them are prepared to embrace radically different views.

OK, if you’re an American and reading this you’re probably already irritated by this seemingly condescending viewpoint. Please bear with me.

Over here you are almost guaranteed to encounter arguments concerning “Republicans” and “Democrats”, or “Conservatives” and “Liberals” but very few people, even outside of the cracker stomping grounds, would ever argue in terms of “left”, “right”, “authoritarian” or “anarchist”. That’s odd to me.

Last week, a friend from work kindly gave me a lift home and we listened to a Rachel Maddow podcast which contained an interview with Pat Buchanan in which he successfully managed to make Nick Griffin seem like a reasonable logician. We discussed the interview and he explained that he believed that Americans have been indoctrinated with the idea that rules, and therefore laws, and therefore governments (who create laws) are bad and should be avoided.

Now, personally I agree; the more laws you have, the more flawed your society must be. But what I find bizarre is the animosity towards “government” in general. The entire point of government in America is supposedly that they represent the people! It’s obvious that these days that clearly isn’t the case, and that the government is prone to corruption but surely THAT is the problem. The idea of a democratic government is that it represents the viewpoints of you and me! That’s what the founding fathers were on about! Whether it be a local government, city government, state government or national government. If any of these governments are corrupt, dishonest or un-democratic then that’s what we should be fighting!

Even more perplexing is what the these so-called “libertarians” would prefer: private companies! Whilst attacking “gubmint bureaucracy” they are defending free enterprise which bleeds them dry every second of the day. These “libertarians” don’t seem to acknowledge their debts to the major companies (Comcast, Verizon, Bank of America, Energy companies, Visa, Mastercard etc) as “rules” or “laws”. They regard tax, which is supposedly intended to benefit everyone who contributes, as evil whilst happily bending over to take some serious taxing from the private sector who owe them NOTHING in return.

And let me tell you, as someone who has worked in environments ranging from UK local government up to some of the most enormous private companies in the world, I can state quite firmly that the worst bureaucracy I’ve come across was in the private sector. I can give you some case studies if you’re interested.

Thanks for reading this far.

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Fashion

Today I was implicitly accused of adopting a fashionable point of view on a matter of international importance: Michael Jackson; that he wasn’t a genius, and was in fact, at best, “meh”. Judging by the superlatives being used about him on the mainstream media since he cocked-his-little-legs-up I’d say my point of view wasn’t very fashionable at all. Not only that, but I’m quite serious! I’ve never thought his music was anything but well marketed blandness. OK, he could dance quite well, he could sing in tune, and he wrote a couple of tunes…but that’s even true of Peter Andre, and I can’t imagine anyone ever trying to claim he was a “genius”.
Around the time his first truly embarrassing album (“BAD”) was due to be released I was irritated that LL Cool J’s new album of the same name was being eclipsed. I was 16… but I still meant it. The idea of this ludicrous prancing ponce, who was determined to make himself look white and camp, being anywhere near as cool as LL Cool J seemed utterly pathetic to me at the time…still does in fact.

But Jacko isn’t the only thing that is making me feel marginalised at the moment. One other, less important (if you go by the column inches in the press), issue is the sudden solidarity that we now have for the poor innocent people of Iran, who have had their democracy ruptured by a fixed election. Suddenly teh Internets are full of pictures of stern-faced westerners trying to look dreadfully earnest and serious as they wear green clothes, bracelets and all sorts of other verdant poncery to show “solidarity” with the opressed people of Iran…who have been cheated out of democracy by a fraudulent election.

Green was a brilliant piece of marketing on behalf of Mousavi. It’s a colour with little partisan baggage (unlike red, blue or even yellow) and it has echoes of environmental responsibility too. We all like that. Everyone is greening out their website – even FARK has a green band.

And everyone seems to be ignoring the main problem that IRAN IS A THEOCRACY! The president is irrelevant! The unelected god-botherers are running the show. You can’t talk about rigged elections when you believe everything is God’s will.

And who is Mousavi ? What does he stand for ? Do you care ? He’s not Ahmadinejad is all we know, and that’s obviously a good thing as Ahmadinejad is clearly a lunatic. But what does Mousavi think ? Does he support the Jewish people ? Does he believe in dismantling the Iranian Theocracy in favour of real democracy ? Does he bollocks! If he did he’d never be allowed to stand.

Stop wearing green you fucktards! Iran has bigger problems than one beardy nutjob being cheated by another beardy nutjob. At the end of the day it’s the beardy nutjobs running the show from the top who really need to be defeated. Is that going to happen in Iran ? No! Should the west get involved and help it ? No! At least not unless there was a serious anti-theocracy movement there – until then you’re effectively trying to promote another shah.

Now China, that’s a different matter.

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C is for ….

There won’t be many links to the Daily Mail from this blog but their front-page article about the new head of MI6’s wife is just too good to pass up. What can we learn from this ?

  • The new C is an “associate” of Holocaust denier David Irving. Glad to see them carrying on in the tradition of having a fascist sympathiser at the top of the secret service.
  • C’s wife is an irredeemable cretin with a facebook account.

I feel sorry for him; he must feel like an even bigger wanker than Jaqui Smith’s husband.

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Addicted to lame

In case you haven’t come across “The Toughest Developer Puzzle Ever” [sic] then give it a go. It’s by no means the toughest puzzle I’ve ever done, and some parts of it are embarrassingly lame, but it’s addictive and very frustrating. In fact I’ve pissed away the best part of my holiday weekend doing it. Give it a go if you have a geek gene and time to spare.

The only tip I’ll give is to remember that this is written by .NET monkeys; if you find yourself doing anything even remotely complex in trying to answer the questions, you’re almost certainly on the wrong track.

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Death of a genius

Despite not wanting to blog about this particular topic, it’s got to the point where I can no longer hold-in my grief. A true genius of marketing passed away under tragic circumstances this week, and many people are in mourning. I am of course referring to the sad loss of Billy “Kaboom” Mays.

For the benefit of those outside the US, Billy was a marketing wizard who managed to fulfill the American Dream by becoming a millionaire using his own skills… which essentially involved going on TV in a blue shirt, grinning, shouting, and then saying “But that’s not all!” before throwing in some tasteless dollar-store[paaaahnd shop] crap as an enticement.
Despite being one of the purest sources of human irritation on the planet, he still managed to become very rich. Funny old world.

But beware! His lifestyle appears to be fraught with danger: he died only weeks after his arch enemy Vince Shlomi got sent to prison for beating up a prostitute. What next ? Barry Scott getting caught claiming a ladyboy on expenses ?

Hell in a handcart, what mugs we are etc and so forth.

[but it does provide an excellent excuse to link to the Slap-Chop remix]

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Quick rant against normal people

This post is two years late. Only this morning I realised that I’m no longer capable of working with normal people. The trigger was receiving an email that contained an attachment with the file extension ‘.docx’.

Now, it’s comforting to know that for two years since its launch I haven’t ever had to deal with Office 2007 in any way. Open-office does everything you could possibly want to do with an office suite, including opening Microsoft created files and having a “File” menu. You also don’t have to deal with, what a good friend of mine would refer to as, all of the “gay shit” they’ve sprayed all over the place like a epileptic at a urinal.

So, I had always figured that Office 2007 must just be more polish on a bigger turd…I mean, they’d surely not change the format of their files again would they? Even Microsoft wouldn’t be that stupid. Well guess what…even Office 2003 can’t open them!

So surely by now people have realised that this is unacceptably crap and abandoned Microsoft Office in favour of the free and superior OpenOffice ?

And then I receive a docx. This has depressed me so, so much that I’m having problems dealing with it…

So, I pulled down openoffice 3 (which supports the new bastardised docx format) and opened the attachment. It was a simple, bulleted list. Well that justifies the cost of upgrading to Office 2007 right there doesn’t it.

Normal people think that emailing Office 2007 files essentially containing plain text is acceptable behaviour. I can’t work with normal people any more.

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Braindump

Braindump of good stuff:

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Experimenting With Legality

As wary as I am about casually experimenting with the dangerous and potentially life-threatening business of the law, today I lost some of my virginity and bought (with money apparently) some legitimate MP3s. Afterwards I did feel slightly dirty, and violated, but the process was so simple and professional that I might even do it again.

Let’s get the bad stuff out of the way first:

  1. I had to download a closed source app in order to get hold of the MP3s; that’s unnecessary and dangerous in my book. But at least it was happy with Linux.
  2. It was overpriced: $8.99 for an album is too expensive for physical media (like a CD, with a booklet and Jewel case) so how can they possibly justify charging the same price for a bag full of fuck-all ? Too expensive.
  3. I wasn’t thrilled with the recording too much…but that’s more a problem with the product rather than the merchant.

But from a more positive perspective:

  1. I went from thinking “I really wish I had a copy of XXXX” to listening to it in a shorter time than has ever been possible; Audiogalaxy, Napster, BitTorrent, Gnutella notwithstanding.
  2. The downloader app is wrong in so many ways, but at least this particular example is pretty unobtrusive and does what it’s supposed to do without coating your entire computer with evil slime
  3. At the end of the process I had a directory full of plain old MP3s – well produced, free from crappy transfer errors and more importantly

    FREE FROM ANY DRM BOLLOCKS

The ideas my dad and I discussed when I was a kid have been realised! Now we can literally get music “down the telephone line” without needing to leave the house. In all, I’m pretty happy with Amazon’s current setup. You want music, you can get it now with no strings, and pay the artists (and a vast number of undeserving middle-men admittedly) painlessly. In fact it’s so painless that it’s almost disturbing. I didn’t have to sign anything, click “I agree to this payment” or anything. Download and you’ve already been charged via your preferred payment method. We live in the future.

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Creativity Vs Contentment

There is a theory that contentment is the enemy of creativity. How many famous Swedish or Danish musicians can you name off the top of your head [question not valid for Swedes and Danes] ? The theory goes that they have societies so healthy, and so free from despair and fear that creativity, traditionally spurred on by hunger, desperation, and determination, shrivels up.
Whether this is true or not, the fact that the “working classes” of the western world all now tend to have adequate heating, reasonable comfort, and an endless supply of mind numbing crap pumped into to their homes via massive HD TVs could possibly help explain the levels of, what is widely regarded as, apathy.

Unlike the technology, the idea of keeping the masses comfortable enough to avoid thinking too much about the greater issues is very, very old; even the Romans understood its value. Otters noses anyone ?

So as I sit here with a plentiful supply of wine and food, a fan blowing cold air onto me, a warm and loving parrot on my shoulder, excellent music being played from an old iBook, and the sum total of all human knowledge available via this little computer on my lap…it’s no wonder I haven’t done anything marginally creative for weeks…or is it months ? So many things I want to do/write/make…and on my time off I just wallow in comfort. Now, wallowing is quite a nice thing, but it’s not the same.

er…that’s it. There’s no point to this, I just thought it’d be worth saying. Sorry. Although I still believe the old adage that “any civilized society is three meals away from revolution.”

Despite considerable efforts, I’ve been unable to find an accurate attribution for that quote. Hopefully I’ll never end up in a position to discover how accurate a statement it is. Wine, music, and parrots are far more preferable.

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An Appeal – Part 1: The Problem

A disturbingly large number of my fellow country-people are suffering from mental illness, and I’m not referring to clinical depression (see the quack, get some pills). No, I’m talking about something far more serious, and far more deadly: BMRD – Blinkered Myopic Right-wing Delusionopathy.

This debilitating disease can be spread orally and the symptoms can appear so slowly, and over such a long period of time, that many victims don’t realise they have it until it’s too late; they will then be limited to living out the rest of their pitiful lives in a confused, anxious, paranoid state whilst foaming at the mouth in front of Fox news.

Those particularly at risk include:

  • People with poor or careless reading habits
  • Anyone that spends time in confined spaces (sometimes referred to by victims as “churches”, “synagogues” or “mosques”) with people who claim to know the answers; these people are usually chronic victims with no hope of remission
  • People who believe that the piece of land on which they were born is somehow better than anywhere else, whilst only ever experiencing that one piece of land for their entire lives
  • People with a low IQ and those without a basic grasp of simple logic
  • People who have little knowledge of history; particularly at risk are those who do not understand why that’s significant

If you think you may be affected by BMRD then here is a simple test. For each of the following statements, answer “true” if you agree or “false” if you disagree:

  1. Government is bad. I’d much rather leave my destiny in the hands of private enterprise, because they are less liable to corruption
  2. Even though I am in massive debt, I don’t earn very much, and am worried that at any time I may end up with a massive hospital bill that will bankrupt me, I much prefer this to free healthcare for all
  3. Even though the media is almost exclusively owned by rich, right-wing capitalists, I believe the media is run by a liberal conspiracy
  4. Despite its obvious bias, I believe Fox News is the only station explaining what’s really going on.
  5. That Bill O’Reilly/Nick Griffin is a man of the people and really understands what’s going on in the world
  6. The U.S. constitution is inherently Christian
  7. White people no longer have a real voice in this country
  8. The reason why the economy is in so much trouble is because the liberals gave all the money to lazy people who couldn’t afford to pay their mortgages

If you answered true to one or more of the above questions then you are at severe risk of succumbing this awful disease and should seek immediate help. Please do not panic! If caught in the early “pre-atrophy” stage the prognosis is good and you only need to be placed on a straightforward course of clue.

By all means get in touch if you have any worries – we can help you.

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