An Appeal – Part 1: The Problem

A disturbingly large number of my fellow country-people are suffering from mental illness, and I’m not referring to clinical depression (see the quack, get some pills). No, I’m talking about something far more serious, and far more deadly: BMRD – Blinkered Myopic Right-wing Delusionopathy.

This debilitating disease can be spread orally and the symptoms can appear so slowly, and over such a long period of time, that many victims don’t realise they have it until it’s too late; they will then be limited to living out the rest of their pitiful lives in a confused, anxious, paranoid state whilst foaming at the mouth in front of Fox news.

Those particularly at risk include:

  • People with poor or careless reading habits
  • Anyone that spends time in confined spaces (sometimes referred to by victims as “churches”, “synagogues” or “mosques”) with people who claim to know the answers; these people are usually chronic victims with no hope of remission
  • People who believe that the piece of land on which they were born is somehow better than anywhere else, whilst only ever experiencing that one piece of land for their entire lives
  • People with a low IQ and those without a basic grasp of simple logic
  • People who have little knowledge of history; particularly at risk are those who do not understand why that’s significant

If you think you may be affected by BMRD then here is a simple test. For each of the following statements, answer “true” if you agree or “false” if you disagree:

  1. Government is bad. I’d much rather leave my destiny in the hands of private enterprise, because they are less liable to corruption
  2. Even though I am in massive debt, I don’t earn very much, and am worried that at any time I may end up with a massive hospital bill that will bankrupt me, I much prefer this to free healthcare for all
  3. Even though the media is almost exclusively owned by rich, right-wing capitalists, I believe the media is run by a liberal conspiracy
  4. Despite its obvious bias, I believe Fox News is the only station explaining what’s really going on.
  5. That Bill O’Reilly/Nick Griffin is a man of the people and really understands what’s going on in the world
  6. The U.S. constitution is inherently Christian
  7. White people no longer have a real voice in this country
  8. The reason why the economy is in so much trouble is because the liberals gave all the money to lazy people who couldn’t afford to pay their mortgages

If you answered true to one or more of the above questions then you are at severe risk of succumbing this awful disease and should seek immediate help. Please do not panic! If caught in the early “pre-atrophy” stage the prognosis is good and you only need to be placed on a straightforward course of clue.

By all means get in touch if you have any worries – we can help you.

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