You know what my mum and dad really need after all of the recent stresses of family death, illnesses, money worries and general shit luck ? To have their car stolen, just after they spent 500 quid on it. And fortunately, some kind sole olbiged. It’s a fucking Mini Metro! WHY ? I’m glad we’ve got gun laws in the UK.
We were sad to notice that the view from Bob’s Diner no longer includes the best piece of animated neon signage I’ve ever seen. Luckily I managed to photograph it in all it’s glory last year. Here is my attempt at rendering the simple beauty of the animation. 
Lots of stuff to say: the two nights at Coyles, the scary tuxedo, the massive steaks at Outback…but instead of that, I’m going to rant on about the most predictable topic imaginable. The US election.
Michele and I find it shocking to hear that there is even a single US citizen that is considering a vote for W. But what I’m beginning to find even more disturbing are the reasons people give (generally during vox pops) for choosing their candidate…Democrats and Republicans alike.
I was listing to the local NPR station yesterday morning, and in between the desperate, undignified appeals for cash, that made me yearn for Radio 4 and the licence fee (really), I heard people talking about the reasons for their choice. Frequently, on both sides, the same things were said:
“Well I think [CANDIDATE] is a real gentleman”
“I can see [CANDIDATE] as President. He’s very Presidential”
“[CANDIDATE] would make a strong leader!”
“[CANDIDATE] would protect us and lead us properly.”
“I like/hate [CANDIDATE]’s voice!”
“[CANDIDATE] is so charismatic!”
“[CANDIDATE] has strong opinions and stands by them!”
It seems to me that what the population want is Adolf Hitler, “Uncle” Joe Stalin, or Saddam Hussein . They’re very smart, very strong leaders, have very strong opinions and stand by them. They would protect you from outside agression using force if necessary. They would attempt to police the world by force if necessary. They wouldn’t be scared to bring in serious measures (like the Patriot act, pogroms, kerfews) to protect the “freedom” of their citizens.
And this is not just Americans. The British are exactly the same. I’ve heard the same shit said about Thatcher, Encoch Powell, Kilroy, Blair etc etc. Nothing changes. It reminds me of a line from Citizen Smith. Shirley asks Wolfie if perhaps the people don’t actually want freedom. “Of course they do!” he replies. “Well they’re going to get it whether they like it or not.”
The cold that has been oscillating in intensity inside my body for the last week or so has reached its highest peak. I feel crap. I was feeling crap before I even got on the plane. Luckily, Heathrow and BA are not shy of dishing out alcohol. The upshot of which is that pain of the 2 hour journey through the grim, cold, rain and rush-hour Tubes from my flat to the airport was attenuated by a nice pint of IPA at the Wetherspoons. The whole flight experience was surprisingly good, despite it taking place on a bloody 747-400 (hate hate hate). We’d bought tickets on-line and so I was able to use the self-service check-in. Saved hours of queuing and allowed me to give myself a window seat at the front. This was so that, once landed, I could race the rest of the plane to immigration – they take prints and photos these days so it takes longer. Didn’t fancy that one bit.
Once on the plane it was lovely. Some medicinal red wine and whisky, a good meal and quality film entertainment followed by a two hour nap. It was like Christmas, but without any arguing. Thankfully, BA have been upgrading the in flight entertainment on the knackered, rusting, flapping, sheds that are 747s. 18 channels afforded me a choice between good films, unlike the “best of a bad lot” you normally get. One of the channels, called something like “film club”, was showing a 1976 film called “Network”, which I plumped for over the new Mike Leigh. I can’t express how much I enjoyed it. I also can’t believe I’ve never seen it before. Sadly, unlike a real film club, there was no way to have a great enthusiastic chat with other viewers (preferably over a pint) afterwards. What the planes need is internal chat rooms for chatting to other passengers. I wanted to phone people and tell them how good it was!
After the film I watched the britcomedy channel which had, amongst other things, “The Smoking Room”…I laughed myself to sleep and woke up just before the approach. Superb.
Everyone hates funerals, and as a result, unless it was someone very, very close to you, they’re never quite as bad as you expect. Particularly once you get past the bit where you’re standing in the cold crematorium car-park, before the ceremony, talking to the family members you haven’t seen since the last funeral. And it can be nice to see bits of the family you haven’t seen for a while.
There was a very moving speech by one of the close relatives, followed by the playing of a tune that meant something special to them both. That’s the bit that invariably causes me to start blubbing. And this was no exception. And why don’t I ever remember to bring any bloody tissues? I’m sure my extended family think my tache is permanently full of dried snot…
So I’ve decided that at my funeral, the only records that get played will be upbeat…none of that maudlin stuff…”Enjoy Yourself” by “The Specials” it will have to be.
After getting back from the reception/wake thing I had a pre-arranged doctors appointment for…blood pressure. Then I went up the Union to meet a few people from work and ease down.
Michele flew off to Philadelphia this morning, and I follow on Tuesday. My brother in law is getting married and a holiday is just what I need at the moment. Humph is going to stay with my mum and dad who have performed major structural changes to the house in preparation.
Oh yes – we have discovered that Humphrey is…a girl!
Oh dear. We considered name changes to “Humphrene”, “Humphrietta” or similar, but really it doesn’t make a lot of difference so she’ll remain Humphrey.
Can’t sleep. But I did find this wonderfully concise argument for why Tony Blair has to go.
Oops, looks like Rumsfeld got a bollocking for telling the truth, and had to backtrack. Odd that. I mean, it’s not like he usually talks a load of bollocks is it ?
For some reason, The Wankometer got put on some popular “Bay Area” blog. As a result, cynicalbastards.com has averaged over 1,700 visits (21,000 hits) a day since October 1st. So please don’t be disturbed by the slow response from my poor little server. God forbid we ever end up on the Slashdot front page…
As I type, my head is doing OK, but it has been a turbulent few days in there. On sunday I freaked out and went a bit mad, which upset and pissed off my mum, dad, sister and bat. I’m sorry everyone, but I can’t explain what went on…it may be related to recent events combined with running out of sertraline 4 days ago. Generally speaking I’m finding life quite tricky at the moment, but trying to supress the weirdness is doing me in even more. Lots of people would say that the correct behaviour would be to let it out. But that is such a crap idea. In fact, I do let it out, but only in safe places, or by accident. No matter how close a friend may be, they will get pissed off with you if you spend your entire time together banging on and on about things they can’t possibly identify with. I’ve been on both sides of this fence, and neither is fun.
It will pass.
Work has had absolutely no impact at all. In fact it’s had massive impacts, but in both directions:
On the other hand:
Total result: 0. Which is progress.
Rumsfeld is now suggesting that there never was any evidence linking Saddam with Al Quaeda. Well, we all knew that of course, but why is he now saying it in public ? Rat deserting a sinking shit perhaps ?
Resident Evil? Surely it’s 3D Monster Maze on the ZX81, but with better graphics! No more exciting though. That shit had my heart pumping when I was a kid. Yet, correct me if I’m wrong, no-one has thought to make a series of films out of 3D monster maze. Fools!
Firstly, two things that deserve another mention:
My head’s mellowed out a bit since the last post. Last night was great. Saw loads of people I haven’t seen for quite a while (Seb, Denny, David, Kate, Vic, Khalid, 10¥) and it was a really nice vibe. Nominally it was a celebration of Vic handing in her PhD…which, as anyone who has either done a PhD or lived with someone who has, will know is worth celebrating. But it ended up just being a good pissup.
Brendon, the landlord, had a quiet word with me as I staggered out to ask why we weren’t in the pub so frequently this week 🙂
It’s quite possible that I’m going out of my head. Last night I woke up at 3am and didn’t get back to sleep. At 7am I’d ripped the sofa to bits in the search for my wedding ring, which had fallen down the side last night due to my inebriation at the time. I applied a considerable amount of duct tape to it afterwards, but it’s still knackered.
Last night was emotional. The extended family experienced a bereavement which strongly affected everyone; in my case this was responsible for the imbibing of a load of Bells. This forum is not a good place to discuss the current state of family affairs, but we are all very upset. As a result I couldn’t sleep. I know I wasn’t the only person in London staring at the ceiling for most of the night. My thoughts are with the others as I type.
Luckily I’d taken the day off today which afforded me the opportunity to have lunch with some workmates and then sleep this afternoon. Thank god. Sleep is what I needed.
Humph has been really clingy today. It’s like he could tell how upset we all were yesterday. Everytime I left the room he freaked out! When we slept on the sofas this afternoon, he slept on the sofa!
This evening he was all over us. Most of the night was spent on the ibook. In fact the little bugger managed to pull off my ‘escape’ key before I could stop him. I dug out another laoptop for him (a knacked old 386) but he’s not interested. It seems that unless it’s got a G3 or better he’s not up for it. He’s a very lovely bird though. Michele, Humph and I spent some really good quality time together tonight.
Finally – Iraq. Inevitable eh ? Labour won the vote, thanks to some serious palm greasing I imagine. In fairness I don’t know what to think about moving out or staying now. If it had been up to me we wouldn’t be there in the first place. Like we’re not in China, Chile, Sudan, etc etc etc. However, despite the confusion in my head I was gobsmacked to here the UK’s special envoy to Iraq, Jeremy Greenstock, come out with the following two lines on the Today Programme this morning:
Remember it’s no longer an occupation, we are there by invitation of the Iraqis.
We are only there by invitation of the sovereign Iraqi state, and if they want us to leave then we must do so.
Sounds reasonable doesn’t it ?
Until someone stands up and shouts, in a very loud voice, over a very powerful megaphone, that we set up the current Iraqi state! In other words, anyone can invade another country, destroy the government, replace it with another one and then claim that they are there by invitation of the new government. Can we all play this game ? Could I walk into a nice posh house in Blackheath, kill the owners, set up some friends as the new owners, and then claim I was living there because the “rightful owners” invited me ? Could I bollocks! And we’re not talking about killing a nice family of 4 in Blackheath, we’re talking about killing over 12,900 civilians [at the time of writing anyway – of course this figure only ever increases].
Sleep well.