The queen mum’s rotting corpse has been moved to St. James’ Palace. This is news.
A prayer was said in which God was asked to “shine eternal life” on her. Bit late now that she’s dead I would of thought, but it’s a nice gesture anyway.
God’s clever enough to know that what they actually mean is “please send her to heaven for eternity rather than hell”.
In fact, God’s clever enough to know that all of her friends and family wished that for her anyway. But God likes to be asked nicely.
You see, God’s a bit of a cunt. Despite being omniscient, he won’t help you unless you ask him nicely. Sometimes, even if you ask him nicely, he still won’t help if he thinks you aren’t praising his Glory enough.
And why should he ?
After all, he caused the problems in the first place. He created us and gave us freedom of choice so that we could make mistakes and even defy him. Only the truly good people would follow regardless. Thus he rewards them.
God created cancer you know. Don’t worry, its just a test of faith. If you or a loved one develops cancer then all you need to do is pray for them. God might take pity on the ill and make them better if you pray enough. If you don’t pray well then FUCK YOU God wants you dead. As I said, he’s a bit of a cunt really. He could use his powers for making the world a nice place, but he’d rather play his stupid, childish, egoboosting, mean little fucking games. He knows all, and thus more than us. But, like a nasty little schoolboy who likes to throws stones at ducks, pull the legs off spiders and generally torture dumb animals, God likes to play with us.
According to the hardcore creationists the world is only thousands of years old. The dinosaur bones we find are merely put there by God as a test of faith. As Bill Hicks said “you mean, God’s just fucking with our heads ?”. Yup. As I said, God’s a bit of a cunt.