Roll up, Roll up for the crappest show on earth!

• You queued for an hour for major disappointment at the millenium dome.
• You queued for two hours to get your passport renewed while the passport office was hopelessly trying to implement a really ropey computer system
• You travelled to London from Yorkshire to place a bunch of flowers in a pile outside the house of an over-privileged sloan who drove into a wall whilst pissed on very expensive champagne

NOW! there’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to queue for 3 miles and 6 hours to see a coffin containing the dead body of a very old, over-privileged parasite! Be there or be the subject of hypocritical journalism by a load of tabloid scum who are sitting in the pub.

Enough about the dear old Queen Muvva (Gawd Blessah).

It’s been a good week, considering. The sun has been shining, the e-mail upgrade that kept me awake for several days doesn’t seem to have gone too badly and with some unofficial TOIL I’ve managed to sit in the Beautiful Hobgoblin garden, eating cheese and biscuits, drinking red wine and talking bologs with some nice people. That is what life is about.

Brodie has also fired up the barbeque and consequently I’ve eaten my year’s meat quota in one day. Joy.

The queen mum’s rotting corpse has been moved to St. James’ Palace. This is news.
A prayer was said in which God was asked to “shine eternal life” on her. Bit late now that she’s dead I would of thought, but it’s a nice gesture anyway.
God’s clever enough to know that what they actually mean is “please send her to heaven for eternity rather than hell”.
In fact, God’s clever enough to know that all of her friends and family wished that for her anyway. But God likes to be asked nicely.

You see, God’s a bit of a cunt. Despite being omniscient, he won’t help you unless you ask him nicely. Sometimes, even if you ask him nicely, he still won’t help if he thinks you aren’t praising his Glory enough.

And why should he ?

After all, he caused the problems in the first place. He created us and gave us freedom of choice so that we could make mistakes and even defy him. Only the truly good people would follow regardless. Thus he rewards them.

God created cancer you know. Don’t worry, its just a test of faith. If you or a loved one develops cancer then all you need to do is pray for them. God might take pity on the ill and make them better if you pray enough. If you don’t pray well then FUCK YOU God wants you dead. As I said, he’s a bit of a cunt really. He could use his powers for making the world a nice place, but he’d rather play his stupid, childish, egoboosting, mean little fucking games. He knows all, and thus more than us. But, like a nasty little schoolboy who likes to throws stones at ducks, pull the legs off spiders and generally torture dumb animals, God likes to play with us.

According to the hardcore creationists the world is only thousands of years old. The dinosaur bones we find are merely put there by God as a test of faith. As Bill Hicks said “you mean, God’s just fucking with our heads ?”. Yup. As I said, God’s a bit of a cunt.

Bored ? Naaaah.
Well… yes. That’s why I burned some valuable minutes of my life playing with javascript in an attempt to make a link that would send you to the current date and time on digiguide.
Here is the link. Bookmark it if you like telly.

Nice day so far. Last day of the easter holidays and I’ve watched both Sweeney films, listened to some rather groovy african funk and generally relaxed for the first time in weeks.
What about the rest of the day ? Might pop down the road and buy some wine.
Might not. Might read some more of Round Ireland with a fridge. Might not. Might have another shit…
What joy to have nothing more pressing to do.

Bologs
Much like a blog, but with more opinionated ranting.
Well…every other fuckers got one…

Everyone should put their lives on the web – it would create a more understaning world and global harmony…or something.