After hearing the interview with John Reid on the Today programme this morning, I couldn’t help wondering if he was ever bullied in the school showers about the size of his Chinooks.
There’s a TV ad that’s bubbled from the heady heights of ITV down to the cess-pits of “Men and Motors” for the new e-bank: “first direct”. “new” because it’s been around for years and years. “e” because they realised the business advantage of ditching all of the expensive high-street staff in favour of a load of desperate call-centre monkeys long before the Internet was widespread enough to be a serious option. OK, that sounds harsh but there are some caveats:
Anyway, back to the ad: this gormless couple of McDonalds-dependent turds explain how they feel like being an fd customer is like being in a select club. Well, yes, very select I would say. Shot in black-and-white (we probably wouldn’t want to see them in colour) their words are displayed on the screen as they are spoken, probably to make the average Men and Motors viewer feel that he can read. But then you start to look at their surroundings. OK, a minimalistic room with bare floorboards: very cool. On the other hand there’s fuck all else there! Nothing but a radiator! They are sitting in a big empty room! Has it been repossessed by their “select club” ? Damn! The bastards even took the carpet!
Apologies for not writing to you. I don’t deserve any friends I know…but I’ve been in a bit of a fug of worky scaredness recently. Love!
Have you ever watched ITV’s Sunday lunchtime politics effort ? Of course you would probably never admit it if you had, but surely it’s no worse that the newly dumbed-down BBC version (The Politics A-Go-Go Show! And here’s your host…Jerrremy Viiiiine!) but at least the ITV one doesn’t dance on the grave of its predecessor. “On the Record” was clearly axed to make way for the new “progressive polictics”.
In case you don’t know what “progressive politics” means, the ITV show was good enough to employ the skills of Irwin Seltzer, an ultra-right-wing would-be Neo-Conservative. “Would-be” because, according to many of the rabid ultra-right neo-nazis on the Internet, he is actually a raging Socialist!
Irwin explained to Jonathan “Dimbo” Dimbleby that, of course, Tony Blair was a Neo-Con. In fact, according to Irwin, Blair referred to the NC’s as, simply, progressive politicians. He also claimed that Blair outlined Bush’s entire foreign policy before Bush was elected.
I tend to agree with Irwin. Don’t have a go at me for that. I also agree that the Neo-Cons are the most evil and corruptive force on the planet, but they seem to be unbothered by this judging by their shockingly frank website. Irwin just went on record to say that Blair is complicit in this vile conspiracy.
Don’t panic – I’m going to stop before the red wine gets the better of me.
It was my mum’s birthday this week. To celebrate Michele and I bought her a digital radio (BBC7 is far too difficult to hear otherwise) and took us all out to dinner at an old favourite restaurant: The Village Taverna. We were slightly worried that it may have got broken since the last time we went there but it has only got better! Superb food, superb wine and reasonable prices in the most cosy atmosphere. OK, some would call it tacky, but only the joyless idiots. Top night.
There are load of other things, but they can wait for other days. Love to you all (espcially those that hate me – I know how much love fucks you off).
Skip this unless you’re a C programmer with a strong stomach…
I’m sure that the seasoned hackers and computer scientists amongst you will probably already have encountered Duff’s Device, but it was only after rambling along some overgrown link-paths from a slashdot article that I discovered it. In a nutshell, this is it:
send(to, from, count)
register short *to, *from;
register count;
{
register n=(count+7)/8;
switch(count%8){
case 0: do{ *to = *from++;
case 7: *to = *from++;
case 6: *to = *from++;
case 5: *to = *from++;
case 4: *to = *from++;
case 3: *to = *from++;
case 2: *to = *from++;
case 1: *to = *from++;
} while(--n>0);
}
}
As the man himself said, “Disgusting, no ?”. It’s just so, so, sick and weird, and yet so beautiful. It’s like one of those sculptures or pictures that your brain just can’t cope with; one that forces you to either run screaming or just stand there tilting your head and squinting.
It wasn’t until I’d compiled it and filled it with printf’s that it started to make sense but I’m still feeling slightly dirty…
Charles McKeown, one of the three writers of the Brazil screenplay (together with Terry Gilliam and Tom Stoppard), also has a role in the film. His first line is as follows (spoken in a loud and frantic tone):
“No you can’t borrow any more chairs! I’ve only got one left and I need that to sit on!”
Now that I too work for the MOI, I get it…
After 3 months of waiting, the gloriously beautiful Criterion Collection DVD box-set release of Brazil is now mine! I bought it from eBay and of course it never arrived; it was sent by post and, as every English person knows, the Post Office is now total shit and staffed by crooks on contract. However, when I complained, the vendor shipped me a new copy and I paid courier charges. Thanks – i got it and it’s perfect. In case you didn’t know, Brazil is my all time favourite film and so I wanted to own a good copy. This is a 3 DVD set containing all of the nerdy history behind the film’s release together with the version produced by Hollywood (Universal in fact) who decided that rather than being a beautiful political horror story it was, in fact, a lame love story. If you’ve ever wanted to see an example of how editing can break a piece of media/art etc then watch this.
Terry Gilliam has been elevated, in my mind at least, from mentor to hero since watching this beautifully put together collection. Criterion rule!
Gilliam took his battle with Sid Sheinberg at Universal into the public arena. An act that the latter described as “guerilla tactics”. Gilliam simply said that he wasn’t prepared to fight on their terms and with their weapons. It would be a massive understatement to say that I like that comment.
It’s all getting a tad sad at my (previous) workplace. Jif is fucking off forever and Lisa is going to disappear for a month. All very sad. As is going back to the union. For the first time in years I feel out of place there. Another new intake of students and staff help to destory any continuity and create a slightly sad atmosphere…IMO anyway.
We really need to move abroad. It will be very sad to leave my family, especially after the superb roast lamb we had tonight. It was a great night all round in fact.
Yet another apology to those, and you know who you are, whom I have neglected. I promise to write soon.
Night yall,
P.S.
Alex – you were so right abount Basement Jaxx.
Despite being a boring git, the last few days have been thoroughly thought provoking. The last two days of work consisted of being at a conference at a stupidly pretentious hotel in Kensington, albeit extremely well put together. The decor is so OTT they have art-deco designs on the wooden flat-screen monitors. However the food, organisation and staff were top notch. Being the only long-haired bearded scruff bag there (with one exception see later) made the whole experience quite unpleasant because everyone else was a white male in a grey suit. OK, there were two asian women in suits and possibly an asian man. But out of 60-70 people it was a total sausage fight. There was a woman speaker who, despite having a PhD in business bullshit, was introduced as “single, with a better golfing handicap than anyone else here and likes to drive fast cars” so she doesn’t count. Having a MegaCorp ID badge got me and my line manager a seat at the captain’s table for lunch. It also earned me the cleanest ringpiece in Christendom 🙂 Again, the food was superb, it’s just sad that the table consisted of such different personalities. Apparently the evening meal had a “carribean” theme with steel band, palm trees, the lot. No one seemed to see the irony that there wasn’t a black face in the joint. This is how the world is run – politicians, businessmen and officials are all white men in suits. No wonder the world is so fucked. Apart from the disturbing political aspects of the days, it was more difficult to deal with the boredom invoked by the event. The company trying to shift their shit (it was a sales conference but disguised as a “customer forum”) basically exists to defend other companies from litigation and help them develop a case. In fact the whole industry surrounding this event was involved in legal affairs. I’m sure they do a good job, but wouldn’t it be far simpler and cheaper to take all of the lawyers, throw them against the wall and shoot them in the face ?
Instantly the whole problem vanishes. We could save billions! No wonder the lawyer with a keynote managed to make a few jokes – the geezer’s laughing all the way to the bank. He cashes in even if he gets sued!
So come on people – shoot any lawyers that you know. Even if you like them, think of the destruction, waste and misery they cause. Please. Do it for Jesus.
In other news, there was a chirpy Norwegian guy at the conference who told me how astonished he was at the lack of jeans there – I liked him. Also I went to an anti-war demo on Saturday with Dave et al – made me feel sort of cleansed.
A friend of mine, Kauser, inadvertently introduced me to a really excellent word: Air. Not the noun that we all know and breath, but the verb.
Air vb.
To air is to ignore, dismiss or blank in an aloof or haughty manner.
Example:The next time I saw Britney she totally aired me man.
Well, the other day I got aired in the most nasty way imaginable by some 50-something woman who makes most of the uptight, straight, tosspots who populate my officeblock look like warm, friendly, hippies. I once made the mistake of trying to converse with her in front of the coffee machine, an act to which she responded with a dirisory sneer. The other day I held a door open for her and, as she walked through, she aired me with a look on her face which, when translated to English, said “that scruffy twat understands the concept of respect for his elders and betters then”. If I hadn’t found it so shocking I would have followed her back to her desk, opening every intervening door with the biggest cheesy grin I could muster. And then grinned as I shat on her keyboard. Much like Humphrey does.
Not depressed this time, just annoyed. Annoyed with the whole way life and society is structured in 2005…in London anyway.
Work: Why do we do it ? Most people would agree that we don’t like it, we don’t like most of the people there and we don’t do it out of choice. How crap is that ? We spend most of our waking lives in this crap situation. Even when it’s gorgeous and sunny out. Wouldn’t it be better to at least be with people we like ? Doing things we enjoy doing ?
OK we need to eat, but if we spent our days totally in search of food with our friends/partners at least it would be something we couldn’t bitch about – unlike doing the accounts in some crappy corporate hell-hole.
And don’t even get me started on dress codes…is there anything more bizarrely weird than that ? Ties ?
A workmate was kind enough to answer my “three meals away from revolution” query (Heinlein – although I’ve yet to validate this) so I’ll ask you all for the answer to this:
Why obscure shirt buttons ? Perhaps because they hint at the raw nudity underneath ?
Also, where do cotton trousers stop and jeans begin ? Why are they so offensive to business minded people ?
I’m concerned that my trouser/jean combination may be offending some of the office workers at my place of employment so I have decided to invest in a posh suit so I can look “business professional”. And, as there is nothing in the dress code about it, I’ll paint the words “Fucking Rats’ Cocks” on the back in acrylic paint.
Can’t do this for the rest of my life. Anyone want to fund a slacker ?