Mad Mandy

What do Peter Mandelson and Herpes have in common ? They’re both a massive pain in the cock that you can’t ever get rid of. And they both manifest themselves as purulent scabs.

How did this happen? Twice now he has been forced to resign in disgrace (what normal people call “being sacked”) for being a big slimy crook, and yet again he’s back in power, without being elected. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he’s now trying to push a bill through Parliament that will make him all powerful and immortal and stuff.

He is currently attempting to pass the Digital Economy Bill which, despite its friendly and harmless-sounding title, is actually a terrifying piece of Orwell-inspired oppression. The most alarming component of the bill is where Peter Mandelson is trying to give himself so-called “Henry VIII powers” which would enable him to create and modify legislation without parliamentary interference. It’s worth repeating: Mandelson it attempting to pass a law that would let him make and modify laws, without parliamentary involvement. If you’re not shaking with fear and anger, please re-read that last sentence.

Meanwhile, it turns out he has also been secretly plotting to take control of Europe!

Somebody stop him! Gordon, can’t you have him killed? Please! Does anyone have a human-sized can of anti-fungal cream? Has anyone tried pouring a bucket of water over him? Garlic?

Failing that, can I urge every Brit to sign this petition to kill the bill, and call your MP.

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