Category Archives: Uncategorized

Aviary

As I write this, I have a small green bird on my shoulder, a beautiful budgie (who looks like a little fluffy cloud) in a cage next to me, and a Meyers Parrot sitting on top of his cage grinding his beak. Our two “big guys” are in the kitchen, covered, and sleeping. That’s five birds. There are five birds in my house. How did this happen ? How did I end up with a house full of birds ? How did I end up with a house ? I’m only 15.

Earlier this evening I wish we could have taken a photo of us eating a curry, watching Harry Hill’s TV Burp, with five beautiful birds around; and then sent it back in time to myself at age 21. The first thing I would have noticed was the gorgeous blonde girl sitting next to me. Then I would have noticed the parrots, and spent the next few years trying to find girls that like birds. Asking M if she was into birds at the time would have resulted in “no, just bats” so the future probably wouldn’t be altered too much.

The reason for our increased flock size is that we are bird sitting The Grinch, and we’re looking after a beautiful little budgie until we can re-home him/her. If you live near NW Philly and believe you could give enough TLC to a beautiful little parrot, please let me know. He was terrified at first but now, despite being too scared to step-up, he’s far more confident. He also makes some of the most incredible noises we’ve ever heard.


Quote of the day

“Now I’m going now down to the showers, stretch me legs, and to wash em n’all. Then after that I shall come back and sit in the chapel, and contemplate the error of my ways and try, to make peace, with my bookmaker.”

Norman Stanley Fletcher – Slade Prison – in the 70s


Big numbers, v6, and baby squirrels

For a while now I’ve been convinced that one of the biggest hurdles to the human race is our inability to deal with large numbers. As soon as you get to around 10,000 it all seems a bit samey. Hence the inability of creationists to understand about geological time, the inability of most people to understand cryptography, people’s willingness to do the lottery, and the bizarre acceptance of the bank bailout by everyone outside the banking cult.
For example, the odds of winning the UK national lottery are around 14,000,000 (14 million) to 1. So, if you play twice a week, you’ll probably win once every 130,000 years which, providing you believe in reincarnation, is around 1800 lifetimes. The human race hasn’t existed that long yet. These are diabolical odds but people still indulge.

I’m far from immune to this cloudy judgment. When I first learned about how the Internet worked, I was shocked to discover that Internet Addresses were 4 bytes (thats 32 bits) long. “That’s tiny!” I thought, “that means there’s an absolute maximum of 4 billion.” Technically I was right, but the fact that 18 years later
the Internet is as ubiquitous as it is, whilst still remaining limited to those paltry 32-bits of address space, shows I didn’t really know what 4 billion meant.

In fairness, we would have run out by now if the wizards behind the scenes hadn’t cast a bunch of magic spells (called things like NAT, and CIDR) to wring every bit of space out of the addresses. But we are now at the very, very low watermark level and it’s only a matter of months before we run out of addresses completely.

The Wizards were on the case though and in 1998 they created an entirely new Internet Protocol called “IP Next Generation (IPng)”, or more formally “IP version 6 (IPv6)” to replace the existing Internet Protocol (known as version 4). I was really excited at the time! It was actually a cut down version of version 4, with much of the useless stodge removed and new cool stuff like auto-configuration and encryption built-in. It also allowed for many more addresses as it used 128 bits to represent each address. At the time I remember thinking that 128 bits sounded pretty meagre. Why not 1024 bits or 2048 if we really want to future proof ourselves, I thought ?

At the time I worked at an ISP and badgered them into allowing me to hook up our network to the experimental IPv6 Internet (known as the 6bone) so that we could lead the way into the brave new world. After the initial excitement of playing with the new addresses, protocols and tools, I got bored because there was nothing to see yet. There was only one website that I could find that was on the IPv6 Internet…and it consisted of a page of rants about the problems with the new protocol. It was slow too. Really slow.

11 years later, the Internet is still running on IPv4 and, despite most people’s computers being able to use the shiny new IPv6 network, very few ISPs support it. I still don’t really understand why.

A couple of weeks ago some fear-mongering articles in the press about the paucity of IPv4 addresses rekindled my interest and I decided to get hooked up to IPv6 at home. Surely, I thought, my ISP must have IPv6 support by now. They don’t. So I had to resort to a method called “tunneling” which is how I had to do it back in 1998. But this time, things were very, very different. The IPv6 Internet exists, and works as we were promised it would! Setting up a tunnel involved registering with a free tunnel service on-line and running a single command on my Linux box. Bang – the box was pingable on both IPv4 and IPv6. I ordered a block of addresses for the other machines in my house (we have about 5) and as if by magic, they all configured themselves with their new IPv6 addresses automatically. Networking has never been this simple!

But there was something that worried me, and this is where we get back to big numbers; the number of addresses I’d been allocated. It turns out that these days IPv6 subnets are all 64-bits – what that means in simple terms is that my tunnel, which needs precisely two addresses (one for me, one for my ISP) is using up 18446744073709551616 addresses. We are wasting a number of addresses which is equal to the size of the regular IPv4 Internet, squared.

The next thing that alarmed me was that the size of the block of addresses I was given for my other 4 home machines also seemed a little large. It was a 48 bit prefix which equates to a million, billion, billion addresses. I only needed 4!

At this rate, I thought to myself, we’ll exhaust the 128 bit address space in no time! Why would these ISP’s have such a disgracefully cavalier attitude to address allocation ? Had they learned nothing from the IPv4 experience. I mean 128 bits is a lot, but it’s not that much…

After doing some reading and some very basic maths, I found the reason for their “reckless” behaviour: 128 bit numbers are enormously, vastly, adjective-defyingly huge. I could write out how big it is, but like the expression “128 bit”, it doesn’t really give much insight. The fact is that we will not run out of addresses. Ever. NAT for IPv6 doesn’t exist, because it’s just not needed. Someday everyone will have as many fully routeable IP addresses as they can eat.

As I said, big numbers are difficult to comprehend…for me and many others if not for you.

So the next time you hear a journalist, politician or banker talk about billions of anything, don’t let it lie. They don’t really understand how vast those numbers are either.

Thanks for reading this far. I would have got bored about 3 lines in. Your reward is the baby-squirrel bit. Last night Michele took me along with her to the wildlife rehab and let me hold a couple of baby squirrels while she fed them. I got to stroke them and feel their little feet. They were even cuter and more beautiful than I imagined they could be! They were really playful and snuggly too. It’s bad form to try and relate to them I know, but not too long from now they’ll be released back into the wild.


Name That Scumbag

Good evening everyone, and welcome to this week’s edition of “Name That Scumbag”! What a lovely audience you are. So much better than last week’s! But seriously, can you name this week’s scumbag ? Here are the clues:

  1. He got the bus with me this evening
  2. Half way home he said he was getting tired and needed a sleep
  3. He laid back and closed his eyes ready for slumber
  4. Then, whilst appearing to sleep, let out the most obnoxious, deathly, abomination of a fart that I have ever been unfortunate enough to smell

It made my eyes water! It was awful, awful, awful, and I knew that the crowd of people sitting around us were having problems with it too. There was coughing! I tried closing my eyes to stop the watering, but it started to sting and all I could do was wince. If this could have been bottled, Saddam would have won the second Gulf war. Everyone nearby was clearly having problems and understandably thought it must have been my fault, as I was apparently the epi-centre. Surely that soporific cherub next to me would never have been able to produce something so vile.

Obviously, I considered waking him up with a loud reprimand, but I knew he would be loudly, and devastatingly frank about it, and as an Englishman that would have been enough to force me to join the foreign legion.

So David, what sort of scumbag could let out a guff like this?


Kerosene

Last night, sitting on the sofa, listening to music, and typing, I was suddenly aware of a conflagration over the road. Someone had set fire to our opposite neighbour’s front door. By the time I’d put Leo in his cage and got to the house, the fire was out, and all that was left was our neighbour looking perplexed and bewildered on her doorstep. We still don’t know what
it was all about but it scared the bejesus out of all of us.

We went over to see if she was ok (I woke Michele after an initial visit) and she seemed suitably jumpy. When we asked if she had any idea who could have done it she said “No! I haven’t been on drugs for 10 years.” Hmm.


Note to self: the UK is more fucked than you remember

It’s far too easy to forget that rose-coloured glasses are a distortion of the real world. So when I read about mad shit like this it doesn’t seem as bad to be living in the US. The only things I really miss are my family and friends [and highly accessible Indian food]. Other than that, we’re all surrounded by maniacs. We’re also all within a short ride of someone sane so it doesn’t seem so bad. Let’s be happy about the sane people.



Top of the fascists

Italy has forged ahead in the pan-European race towards Fascism by bringing back the blackshirts! Obviously they’re not actually wearing black shirts any more, this isn’t the 1920’s! No, now they’re wearing beige shirts, but the racist underpinnings are exactly the same. All bad things are as a result of the immigrants. Go Italy!
You better buck your ideas up Britain; putting neo-nazis into the EU was a coup, but Italy has now knocked you down the leaderboard with its invocation of the the thug paramilitary.

Meanwhile, in the utopia that is the USA, we are fortunate enough to be witnessing an historical set of events that could well be the most epic of fails in the history of the country. It’s tragic that The Daily Show is still the only serious journalism available nationally here. There was even an interview with Ron Paul, during which Jon Stewart managed to ask him the one question I’ve wanted to hear answered by the Libertarians: how do you prevent Corporatism. Watch at about 6 minutes in to see Ron gracefully dodge the question.

The only potentially viable alternative to Jon Stewart is with PBS/NPR, but really it’s pathetic. This evening, because I was off work today (gutrot), I managed to watch the BBC World News on WHYY. As the end titles were rolling we were subjected to the list of wonderfully philanthropic benefactors who are responsible for us being privileged to watch it. As if this wasn’t bad enough, it was followed by three commercials^H^H^H^H^H^H^H PSAs that could be the nominees for the international irony awards:

  • Firstly, a promo for PBS/NPR. This consisted of a handful of “artists” giving soundbytes on why pubic media is important. One of which included the phrase “we prefer a conversation, rather than a soundbyte.” Genius.
  • Next was a commercial^H^H^H^H^H^H^H PSA from Monsanto explaining how they help farmers, save terminally ill babies and cure lepers [ok the last two were a slight exaggeration. Slight].
  • As if the Ironometer could take any more, the next commercial^WPSA was from Toyota (the car manufacturer), explaining that they don’t just manufacture cars, but they also devote themselves to saving the environment.

It’s very important to realise that these weren’t commercials; they were PSAs. Now you may wonder what the difference is between the two and the answer is quite simple: I’m buggered if I know.


Reasons to be Cheerful

  • Charlie Brooker
    tonight we watched part one of his new “GamesWipe” series. Everything he says seems to align with my world outlook. Charlie, if you’re ever in Philly and need somewhere to crash, drop me a line.
  • Dan Bull is a middle-class, white, English rapper who somehow manages to be cool. He recently wrote a wonderfully succinct open letter to Lily Allen that I agree with on every count. The rest of his album is well worth checking out too.
  • After a load of bad reviews of one of my iPhone apps, I had nice experience with a total stranger that managed to renew my faith in humankind.
  • Near work is another hotel bar that, on Wednesdays, has a happy hour involving free “fancy cheese” and wine.
  • Birds are amazing little things.

Britain is officially a Fascist country

There’s a big grey area between proto-Fascism and Fascism. I’d have argued that America and Britain were both proto-Fascist countries until today; because today I read this article from the peerless SpyBlog. You need to read it, and then you might understand why I’d now refer to Britain as “Corporatist”…which is what Mussolini himself referred to as Fascist.

You can kip on our couch if you want to. Or, if you know anyone in Sweden who doesn’t mind us kipping on their couch, please let us know.