Monthly Archives: November 2004

Oh well…can I have another go please ?

This is my third attempt at blogging since the last entry. The other two attempts were prevented by a combination of ennui and motivational void.
Partly it’s because I can’t walk about without some sort of pain…and fear that I’m making things worse. Partly it’s because, being away from work, I realise how much I don’t want to do computer support any more…in any shape or form. Partly it’s because I can’t do anything else. Partly it’s because I want to do something creative, but I don’t seem to have any creative skills whatsoever. Partly it’s because…well…everything…

However, I put most of the blame on daytime TV. I hate it. Yet, for some inexplicable reason I compell myself to watch it. I don’t know why. It’s like Videodrome, it has a physiological effect on the viewer, only in the case of ITV2, it doesn’t create “The New Flesh”, it just converts grey matter into a, presumably tasteless, cheese. Hmm, maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe it tastes like some really good brie… I just suspect it tastes like overprocessed American cheese. BTW – did you know that Americans buy cheddar that is red…and tasteless ? And they think that’s proper cheddar. Weird eh ?

It has been so boring that:

  • I registered and setup a chat room there…even though no-one knows about it. Login and have a go if you get really bloody bored.
  • I’ve been watching Emmerdale. Nuff said
  • The prospect of listening to The Archers this morning filled me with excitement
  • Yesterday, not only did we watch Silent Running for the umpteenth time, but I also watched Jason and the Argonauts…again
  • I’ve been watching Coronation Street..and the repeats…and the omnibus…
  • Other things too tragic to mention

That’s enough creativity for now (I told you it was desperate). Bye.


OK, so either 50% of America is composed of deluded morons, or the vote was rigged. Either way, it looks like Bush is going to win. The rest of the world’s population looks on aghast. Not knowing whether to be shocked, astonished or just depressed. The worst thing is that the Bush supporters don’t feel ashamed that they are the laughing stock of the rest of the world…in fact that just proves to them that they are better than the rest of the world.
Anyway – back to my penis.
This morning I had a visit from Zap, whom I haven’t seen for several weeks. While he was here we were all disturbed to hear a violent banging on the window. My boss, Geoff, and my colleague, Shirley had arrived to deliver some good vibes from my work mates. Some beautiful flowers, a cheese selection, a bottle of chilean red, a bottle of Bushmills (10 year old single malt Irish – my favourite whisky) and a card signed by everyone in CS. I nearly cried. In the past I have received leaving cards and been utterly chuffed by every one of them. But this is the first “congratulations on your circumcision” cards. I’ll trasure it! Thanks everyone! I may well enter it for the Guinness book of records “card with the most number of references to the recipients penis” entry.
Went to the doc this afternoon in my dad’s new car. After a long wait, I went in, the doc checked it out, gave me another 10 days off work and basically told me the bleeding, scary looking stuff and pain was totally normal. Thanks NHS.
So now I’m totally happy. I know my nob’s not going to fall off (for a while), I know that my work mates are getting a healthy amount of amusement out of my condition, which is the way it should be. And I’ve got cheese and Bushmills for company 🙂

More about nobs

Squemish people look away now.
Here is a picture of a seriously scary, deformed nob:
A Nob After looking at that I don’t feel so bad about my own affliction. Things are much the same, nobwise, at the moment. I’m planning to go and see the quack tomorrow. I’ve been paying my stamps for 33 years and getting my moneys worth in this way makes me feel a lot better about it.
Michele and I have been doing a lot of worrying about the U.S. election, my feelings on the relevence of the whole thing notwithstanding… The biggest problem I have is not worrying about how bad the world will be with that tosser running things for another 4 years, but worrying about how so many people can vote for him. I’m sorry people, but I don’t believe in mass stupidity, but I do in mass gullability. The poor people who vote for him are clearly so detached from the real world that they have no other choice. Picture these poor peasants:

  • They probably haven’t walked for more than 20 yards in one stretch in the open air for the majority of their lives
  • They don’t understand why you would ever need a pavement.
  • They think the TV news is objective and can’t imagine any reason why it wouldn’t be…unless it was a foreign news source.
  • They don’t realise that Fox News is run by a foreigner: whereabouts in the world is Murdoch a citizen these days
  • They genuinely think that Al Quaeda have a plan to cause widespread carnage in ButtFuck, TX or whatever rinky dink suburban hell-hole they live in.
  • They think they’re free!

Pity them…
I know the polls are really undecided at the moment, but I also know that paying any attention to polls within the last few months of an election campaign is generally completely pointless. Apart from the statistical evidence backing that assertion up, there are other, potentionally more convincing, reasons. I mean…who is conducting these polls ? I don’t mean the companies, I mean really. The people on the front line… Generally it’s going to be minimum-wage, underpaid slaves. Put under pressure by the managers to deliver the goods. The managers may well have their own “partisan” agendas too. Doesn’t really make for an accurate unbiased system does it ? Ignore the poles.
AFAICT, in terms of number votes, Kerry has won it. There can be no other reason for the massive turn-out. All of the apathetic, jaded, cynical, bastards (like I would have been), who didn’t turn out last time, realise that this whole NeoNazi^H^H^H^HCon thing needs to be stopped.
However, who will win no longer depends on the number of votes as we have rampant corruption to take into consideration:

The next 24 hours will be very interesting.

Changing the subject sightly; My mum and dad have bought a new car from the insurance dough. They only got 500 quid but luck threw them an 8 year old Rover 100 sold by the neighbours of my favourite aunt and uncle. This one has an immobiliser but I’d still like to put a wireless camera in there so we can catch any little bastard who tries to nick it. That way I may be able to find him and administer a bit of aversion therapy…with a big stick with all nails sticking out.
As for the insurance company…if I ever get diagnosed with a fatal disease, watch your backs. I’m taking people with me. It’ll either be Bankers, Insurance brokers, Estate Agents or Lawyers. I might even set up an Earls Court conference for “The financial and legal implications of property purchases and how can you insure yourself against trouble”. One small red-mercury bomb and we purify the whole of the UK…