The pop must die

Pop music faded away about 20 years ago. Few noticed because the decline was so slow, but it went. The music (nee record) industry, clearly miffed, did what they could to keep the corpse alive but merely prolonged the agony for a year or so too long.

But despite the rotted, purulent, body of pop being left to decay on the pavement of history, we may still observe the weathered, senile form of the industry blowing just enough air into its lungs to keep the heart going for as long as there are a few coppers to be squeezed from its rancid flesh.

The Brits: an annual celebration by the British music industry of themselves. Realising that pop is dead they made the clever assessment that if they themselves can cling on to the past, so can the rest of the over 30s. Anyone who grew up with a “top 40” or two, and with regular national, weekly, worship, in the form of top of the pops will happily hang onto the dream to keep themselves from feeling old. The BBC have been wondering what Top of the Pops have been doing wrong for the past few years, with the tragic belief that they just haven’t found the new “hip” thing the current generation like. They’re missing the point! There are no valid charts any more, so the entire concept is dead.

The record industry reluctantly acknowledged the truth a while ago and, after a trial period of “stealth marketing”, plumped for the most cunning plan of all: market to the sad old gits that still believe in “the pops”. They listen to a million bands a week and shovel the derivative, safe, ones, that sound like they may have that elusive quality “edge”, off to lucrative record deals tied-in with TV adverts, PA’s and interviews with Richard and Judy, Top of the Pops (now on the menopause slot of Monday evening, BBC2) and even the news! This way they manage to sell them to the sad old farts who still want to think of themselves as “on the scene”.

Everyone over 25 sneakily thinks they’ve discovered something young and cool! They then go out and buy the CD…because, being over 25, they still think you need to buy music…

Punk was supposed to have caused the biggest shift in the pop world ever. But what’s going on at the moment makes it look like skiffle. Sadly, if you’re over 25 you’ll be too busy listening to the modern day versions of Stock, Aitken, and Watercloset, like the Kaiser Cheifs, Franz Ferdinand, Katie Melua, Jack Jackjacksonjack or whatever his fucking name is, and any band with the word “boys” in the title.

Take your David Grey, Coldplay, Stereophonics, K.T.Turnstile. and shove them up your arse with your parents collection of Phil collins and Dire Straights. Don’t worry, we’ll all be dead soon.
Update:
Forgot to slag off Hard-Fi and Arctic Monkeys


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