Here’s a stupid idea I had: LOLSuits. If you don’t get it, don’t worry, it’s not funny, just stupid. Submissions most welcome.

Now that the environment has yielded its four-month protest against humanity, it’s safe to leave the house without risk of drowning in sweat and exhausted anger. This has been a long, hard summer, that started just before spring got a chance to spread its wings. This week has consisted of a few days of utopian weather pleasure. About 78 (25C), not humid, bright, and beautiful. So, for the first time in months, I went out a couple of times this week.

This rather excellent guy called Tom invited me along to something that sounded too good to be true: a night of gastronomic excess, for $20 a head…with beer! It was also going to be a double date: me and Michele, he and his long-term love-sink. It wasn’t until we arrived that we realised we were actually taking part in a Sam Adams survey, but in honesty that didn’t strike me as a bad thing. And I was right not to worry. We had four courses of gourmet food, with each course including the perfect beer accompaniment. For the record, the courses were:

• Cheese (smoked Gouda and Morbier) with walnuts and some yummy prosciutto-style beef.
• Home-made chorizo crumbled on scallops.
• New York Strip (rare) sprinked with ground coffee beans in a raspberry sauce.
• Beeramisu – guess how good that was…

Each course had its own beer that was supposed to perfectly accompany the flavours. I can’t tell you how good the whole experience was. Tom and I plan to go back there this Saturday to sample some of their Shepherds pie, which is, correctly, made with lamb.

The next evening I went downtown to meet a couple of good friends for a fish dinner at Anastasi Seafood followed by my first ever go at Rock Band 2. Let me tell you, that is a fucking fun way to spend time! Even on “easy” I was crap at the drums, but I now have a great deal of respect for Bill Ward.

Good night.

1. Capitalism doesn’t work. If it did, there would be no need for regulation, antitrust, monopolies commissions or any of the other bandages that are used to heal the wounds. Capitalism isn’t supposed to be regulated, it’s supposed to take care of itself. The invisible hand of the market is supposed to keep things in order and make the world a functional and happy place. As I said, capitalism doesn’t work, and so that clearly doesn’t happen. But rather than ditch capitalism, we bandage over it from time to time.
2. When the capitalists are in control, they do whatever they can to remove the bandages, to show how well capitalism works unaided. In fact, for them, it works very well indeed as they get more wealth than can understand.
3. The wounds go septic with all of the pus-filled bubbles and everything starts collapsing – the core of the infection affects the low-level workers first, and slowly moves outwards.
4. Before the infections reach the top-level capitalists and law-makers, they panic and re-apply the bandages and then buy expensive antibiotics like “regulation” and “nationalisation” which keep the top-level rich, and are paid for by the low-level dying in the form of taxes.

That’s it! This time the wounds are pretty serious; they may even lead to proper change, but I doubt it.
Personally I’ve been enjoying watching lots of people in suits get a slapping. It’s just a pity that it’s only those people that are deemed newsworthy, and not the hundreds of millions who really are getting the shitty end of the stick. Pity them, not the wunches of bankers.

Citi ringtones. What more could I add ?

It’s difficult to bear in mind that life and politics back in England is just as shallow, stupid and shitty as it is here, especially during the Republican National Convention week.
So, in the middle of all the blather and bluster it’s refreshing to see people commemorating one of the most significant examples of people power in the 20th century: The Battle of Cable Street.
On October the 12th is an anti-fascist historical walk around the east-end of London; I wish I could just hop on a bus and attend.
On one of the sites linking to the walk, someone posted an excellent YouTube clip of a newsreel with footage of the actual battle. I’ve never seen film of it before and it blew me away. Have a look.

A while back, the tech-press mumbled a lot about a device that goes between your mobile [cell] and your SIM that effectively unlocks your phone. Yeah right. A device that unlocks any GSM phone, regardless of manufacturer ? Does it come with snake-oil dressing ?

One evening as I was reading news of this miraculous device, I had consumed just enough red wine to lubricate my credit card so that it slid from my wallet and forced me to buy one. Remember kids: don’t drink and HTTP.

I forgot about that particular purchase until today, when a little jiffy bag arrived in the post from Hong Kong. It took a while to find the tiny contents, but once I realised what it was, I tried using with an AT&T SIM, in a T-Mobile locked phone. When I powered up the phone…it worked…perfectly.

There’s no way you could possibly make a little device that unlocks all phones. But they have. I’m very excited. It means that teleport and time-travel will be with us in a matter of weeks.

Damned clever these Chinese.

During my previous employ, the local bank, who were also owned by our company, invited themselves in to see us all and try to flog some bank accounts while they were there. They brought bagels and ran a competition to win an iPod shittle, which I was lucky enough to win. What I neglected to mention in my previous post was that the bank manager pleaded with me to open an account “in return” for winning the iPod. Now, on reflection, I realise the correct and appropriate response should have been “Fuck Off”, but I genuinely pitied the pathetic little man. And anyway, what harm could it do to have another account ?

Six months or so later, I am currently doing my best to avoid any contact with that company, on account of their close alignment with Beelzebub and his army of evil demons. They don’t have our current address, they only have the address of my in-laws where we lived at the time. But recently they have been calling daily, which obviously became quite tiresome. So, I investigated and decided to close the account and sever the last link to the bastards. To cut a long story short, I was overdrawn because:

1. They had charged me for not using the account.
2. This had taken me into a non approved overdraft, for which I was fined.
3. Not thinking about this pointless account, which I had set up out of pity, I hadn’t paid the fine.
4. So I was fined even more.
5. Repeat the last two steps.

So I called their evil automated corporate-fascist system and pressed random keys until the computer gave up and put me through to a human. In the end, there are two things that came of of this experience everyone should know:

Any bank charges you are given will be canceled if you insist.

All banks are cunts.

Now, I’ve worked in some geeky places in the past, but working with a Dave that feels passionately enough to celebrate the birthday of debian with a chocolate cake is pretty special. When he went to the supermarket and asked for the inscription, the lady said “debian ? Is that a girl or a boy ?”

“It’s an operating system” he replied, accurately.

It was pretty bloody yummy too.

In other news, here is a little 20 minute audio documentary about a 6 second snippit of an obscure 1969 b-side that has not only altered the face of music in the last 20 years, but has created several entire genres of its own.

It may sound a little pathetic to the PA posse but this weekend we decided to go on an adventure to Norristown. Anyone that knows Norristown will probably be thinking “why would you go to a shit-hole like that ?” whereas UK readers will no doubt be wondering which “Norris” it was named after…the one in Coronation Street ?

Anyway, we went there because we had heard rumours, and had seen accurate maps on Google, that indicated there was an Indian supermarket there. We miss supermarkets that sell Indian ingredients. A very nice girl that I work with will regularly buy us stuff from the Indian supermarkets she visits, but apart from the hassle we are causing her, we like to shop. So we set off on the perilous mission into the unknown, armed only with loads of money, a car, a GPS navigation device, and The Klub [ a krook-lock ]. Bravely, we drove up Ridge Pike until we reached our first stop-off point: Ah’s Garage Sale. Other adventurers had recommended this place as a source of some wonderful treasures and indeed it was. I’ve never seen such a load of quality crap. I bought a practice bass-amp but Michele persuaded me against buying any of the old radios, DVD players or cash registers.

After this pleasant sojourn, we continued on our journey.

The “Shree Ambe” supermarket exceeded our expectations and was able to provide us with the vital ingredients of the Lamb Dhansak we were planning to cook that night. However, on the way along Ridge Pike, we noticed a nearby “Dosa and Chat house” and so, as we were desperately into the Indian thing, we went along. It was spectacularly good. It was also spectacularly filling – so much so that we couldn’t face cooking a huge curry for dinner. Instead we ordered pizza, and watched The Bank Job, which turns out to be, not only highly enjoyable, but a (partially) true story with all sorts of extra goodness. You can’t get better than that for a weekend’s fun can you ?

This will be brief, and I promise not to mention it again on this blog. Talking about proper politics is a good way to get labeled a conspiracy theorist.

Think of the world as a Risk-style board game where you are playing as the USA. The dollar has lost most of its respect and therefore, under capitalism, its value. Meanwhile, the Euro has been doing rather well and Europe seems to be getting on like a house on fire. Not good for you, as America is it ? Then consider Russia, with enormous energy reserves and a newly capitalist friendly economy. Russia is also getting on very well with Europe. If those two join forces, the dollar is toast.

So, how would you, as the US, make a comeback (remember that this is just a game, and that you have to try to “win” )?
How about taking a worthless ex-Russian state, say Georgia, and then encouraging Russia to “invade it”? You could then summon devilish images of Stalinism, or even Nazism, and everyone would defend you. Especially as no-one actually trusts ex-KGB Putin. But how could you possibly encourage Russia to invade Georgia ? Well…what if a chunk of the country has a Ulster-style belief that they are still part of Russia ? Also, what if the president of Georgia is a maniac with a deep-seated (albeit justified) hatred of Russia ?
All you need to do is supply Georgia with arms, training and promise to support them. You could even promise them entry to NATO. Then you point them towards South Ossetia and stand well back.

You have seen the result. For the first time in a long while, it’s not about oil! The pipeline in Georgia is a cunning red-herring designed to engage the support from the cynical. Even the most left wing anti-war protesters would be prepared to believe Russia was responsible. But why would Russia really give a toss about an oil pipeline in an ex-state when they have more natural energy resources than you can shake a stick at ?

The news networks have all been displaying bizarrely inconsistent views of the situation. But I can’t help noticing that the real news is getting out through stealth reports. For example, tonight on BBC America was a long report about America’s “hard stand” against the revived red-menace. Then there was a report about how, in the last week, the dollar has rallied against the Euro; an event that could be regarded as evidence that the real background of the “Georgia crisis” was an attempt to destabilize Russia from its comfy relationship with Europe…and thus helping lose confidence in the Europe. Seems to be working.

The answer to the question “Who attacked whom first” is Georgia attacked South Ossetia first. This was reported on the news at the time but now you’d be hard put to find any news network willing to say so. But there are enough first hand reports from disinterested and comparatively trustworthy sources if you look around. There is no question about this as far as I am concerned. Even Saakoshvili admits it, with the defence that he believed Russia was planning an invasion. In other words, they hadn’t invaded already.

Some more questions you may want to ponder over. Why was Putin so obviously furious, if it was his invasion ? Why would Russia be in the slightest bit interested in regaining Georgia when they have masses of natural resources and a bright future in Europe ? Why did Georgia attack South Ossetia with no provocation ? Were the US Marines, currently stationed in Georgia, involved in the attack on South Ossetia ? If the Georgian attack was directed towards a Russian invasion, why were they attacking the civilian population of South Ossetia ?

You may think that is is a conspiracy theory. I think you’d only be half right.