Heaster, Mobiles and Muchness

Waking up in the morning, even with a hangover, can be the most life-affirming experience. Especially when you don’t have to work that day, you’re married to a cuddly bat, and you have a Dunlopillo. In fact it’s the purest form of joy I have experienced since I turned off voice-mail on the mobile phone. Mobile phones are truly evil pieces of work and yes, I own many and take at least two out wherever I go; this makes me a terrorist according to the recent alarmist government propaganda.
Years ago, when mobiles were becoming cool, I worked for a tech company that was moving into WAP. At the time my colleague told me how evil he thought they were because people always thought that if you didn’t answer, you were avoiding them. Well in the last year or two I have developed a hatred for them that borders on psychosis. People get genuinely angry if you don’t pick up! That’s outrageous! There are many reasons for not picking up and, quite frankly, just fuck off. The motivation for not having a phone-call at any particular time can be just as strong as yours for wanting one. At least in the cable days you could only answer if you were at home and, presumably, were in more of a mood to talk to people. The number of people that get the hump with me being uncontactable is increasing by the day and it’s beginning to make me wonder why they want to talk to me at all… If you really want to stay in touch then send an email or text and we can perhaps meet up in person and talk like civilised humans. It might be nice! We could even have food and a drink. Imagine that. You wouldn’t have to listen to me moving my bowels on the phone.

Anyway, Easter here has been lovely. An indolent, selfish, self-indulgent, avian-centric, family and friend based pleasure. We’ve seen my family, taken Humph in to a couple of gardens and spent time with friends. I’ve also managed to watch the complete Ripping Yarns and a bunch of Secret Army, which I missed at the time and now, thanks to Suzanne for lending me the complete box set, think is the best series ever made.

Happy Easter, and God bless Eddie “Cleanhead” Vinson.


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