Today is extreme computing 2002. I can’t stay too long unfortunately – pity… Good timing tho’ – works network is unavailable from the outside world while they do some mucking about with power-feeds so going out sounds even better. It’s like loosing a leg when that network’s down…
# ping x.x.2.89
PING x.x.2.89 (x.x.2.89): 56 data bytes
How embarrassing. Eastenders was put back an hour for match of the bastard day. This was the last straw, so I phoned the BBC duty office (08700100222) to complain – apparently they log and pass on all comments.
The bloke on the end of the phone did not seem to be that interested in my opinion, that match of the day should just fuck right off, and so it got slightly personal:
“Look, I’m not having a go at you, it’s just that there
are lots of licence payers who don’t like football, and who don’t give a toss about the queen.”
“But there are lots of licence payers who do like football and if we didn’t cover it then they would complain.”
…
“Come on, you’re scottish – surely you must agree that the jubilee is a total waste of time”
“actually I’m Irish”
“Oh shit. I’m so sorry.. that was stupid….but anyway, as an Irishman surely you must agree…hold on…Rupublic of ireland or Northern Ireland ?”
“Northern Ireland”
“Look, I’m really, really sorry. I fell like a right twat now”
and so I do. I blame the two bottles of wine.
Sorry man – but it turns out I’m a right wanker…
Now and again it’s nice to spend a long time away from the telly, engaging in mentally stimulating activities.
But today was not such an occasion. I shamelessly watched an hour and half of big-brother action. Michele was out on a case, leaving a perfect opportunity to do all of the things you can’t do when your wife/husband/parents aren’t there (like looking for your christmas presents, pissing in the sink and eating things out of their containers with your hands) but I did none of that. Just watched a shameful amount of telly.
Being a voyeur, Big Brother is excellent entertainment, however I feel sorry for those TV-watchers who like to keep themselves to themselves… today they had the choice of football, religion, the queen, football and big brother….
But despite this orgy of disgusting vegetation I did have a play with the Nokia cables kit that I bought a while ago. What a cool toy. Managed to unlock my wife’s 3330 and my 6210 with no hassle. Also, after hanging around in some seedy areas of IRC I managed to get hold of some good software for mucking about with logos and ringtones off of some shady bot on the east-side of EF-Net. Regardless I still rate Gnokii as the best toolkit around for legit mobile manipulation.
Three football matches on TV this morning. Ben is staying here and he’s “into the footy”, so they’re all being watched. I go to have a bath – one of the greatest pleasures in life, a long, deep bath, radio-4 or maybe a book… so I turn on the radio. Ah, a programme about ‘Socrates’; sounds interesting!
But, hold on. Something’s wrong. We don’t appear to be discussing critical reasoning…in fact it sounds like…oh god surely not…yes…FUCKING BLOODY FOOTBALL. There’s no escape. As Charlie Brooker said in last week’s Guardian, “What an appalling time this is for non-voyeuristic, unpatriotic, football-hating Britons”.
Oh yes, http://www.fuckhotmail.com/ is open for business.
It seems that the last US census produced a load of Scotts! Without any warning America has been invaded with Scotsmen, who then killed the same number of yanks – that can be the only explanation for why so many suddenly appeared. To celebrate this massive invasion, which seemingly went unnoticed by the US DoD, a new TV channel is being launched called [cringe] “Tartan TV”. Now all these “Genuine Scotts(TM)” can enjoy real “Scotch” culture by watching 24hr porridge-eating, caber-tossing and kilt-wearing competitions.
I wonder if they will follow the example of the billions of “Genuine Irish” and open theme pubs:
PLEASE WAIT HERE TO BE SEATED
“Hi! My name’s Morag and I’ll be your waitress for this visit to McDougalls Genuine Scotch Pub. If there’s anything you want then please DINNAE be afraid to ask.
Can I interest you in any of our Genuine Scotch(TM) starters ? We have Scotch Oatmeal (with real Scotch Maple syrup and bluberries and a bonnie heather garnish)…etc ad nauseam….
OK call me a hippy if you like, but this song was on an album of kids songs my dad gave me when I was very, very young…it was the 70s, but even so it is spot on – especially today. Mail me if you can’t find a copy in the shops 
THE THOUGHT STAYED FREE
by Tom Paxton
a thought was born in the mind of a man
and it didn’t please you and it didn’t please me
so we all got together and we made our plan
to drown that thought in the deep blue sea
so we wrapped it up, in a chain we bought
cos it didn’t please you, it didn’t please me
to the bottom of the ocean we threw that thought
and the chain went down but the thought stayed free
we locked that thought in the dungeon cell
we slammed the door, threw away the key
and how it happenned no-one can tell
for the door stayed locked but the thought went free
so the councillors met and laws were passed
the laws were nailed on every tree
all the sheriffs were summoned, and troops were massed
all the tanks turned out but the thought went free
then the councillors fears were realised
and they were frightened as they could be
for they only had to look in peoples eyes
for the terrible news that the thought was free
yes the thought was free and it spread like fire
though it didn’t please you, and it didn’t please me
it was banished from the land by the king’s desire
and the boat pulled out but the thought stayed free
now worst of all in this terrible tale
though we tried to hurl it from our shores
not only did this troublesome though prevail
but worst of all one thought bred more
(my transcription, so my fault if there are mistakes. I love Tom).
If you’re planning a visit to England and are keen to experience English culture then now would be a perfect time! Look at all of the oh-so-England things you can experience at this special time of year:
You think England have got a chance then ? Yeah I reckon they have yeah. Did you see the footy last night ? I love football, I really fucking love it. I could watch it all day every day for the rest of my life which is really fortunate because I won’t have a choice…
What a choice! Five alternative ways to get really angry and swear at your telly. At least The Big Breakfast used to be able to induce the odd laugh…
BT have announced large profits, two days after I received a bill for 80 quid, 47 of which came under the non-specific heading of “service charges” – what a co-incidence!
George Bush has announced that he knew of Al-Qaeda’s plans to hijack planes before september the 11th. Obviously he didn’t think it necessary to tell anyone about this beforehand because it was such an insignificant piece of info.
It becomes slightly more significant when you read this article.
The best noise in the world:
The metallic rasp of the lid of a whiskey bottle as you unscrew it, before pouring the golden liquid into a glass.
Broadcasting house had an interesting discussion about employment and retirement. It would seem that people my age who are not millionaires will not be able to retire.
So obviously the solution is to enjoy your work more! sounds obvious doesn’t it ? Why didn’t we think of it before….oh sorry…my supervisor has just given me a written warning for blogging when I should be working….
Dear BH,
It’s a tough enough call just to turn-up in the morning and do your
job, without being asked to try and enjoy it – let alone introduce some
creative essence into it. How do you do that in a call center when every
time you crack a smile your supervisor interjects because she thinks you
must be slacking off.
Yes it would be nice to downshift, and change our culture so that work
becomes more enjoyable. But there is a very simple, fundamental problem
with this; We live in a capitalist world. The *only* job of a board of
directors is to increase profits. After you have ‘downsized’ and
‘streamlined’ and ‘relocated to Indonisia, sacking all of your previous
staff’ there will come a time when you run out of resources to exploit –
then what ? Well, perhaps the staff are spending too much time
‘excercising their creativity’ and not sewing trainers ?
If we are really serious about making life generally better for people in
the world before they die, I think we need to do more than have group-
hugs, footballs in the office and regular staff bowling trips.
So if we can agree that any change a single company can make to make
it’s employee’s lives richer is only avoiding the real problem, then there
is something that would help in the short term:
Working from home.
Someone mentioned it, but it was passed over.
What would happen in London if a third of the employees worked half of
their weeks at home ?
* The transport problems would be solved.
* Pollution would decrease.
* People don’t have the stress of getting to and from work and so would
work more effectively.
* People could have ‘true’ flexitime – being able to spend their days as
they wish – as long as the work gets done who cares ?
* People would be more effective and more relaxed when *at* work.
The technology to do this exists and is affordable. Even more affordable
if the government gave incentives for companies to allow their staff to
work at home.