Have you ever watched ITV’s Sunday lunchtime politics effort ? Of course you would probably never admit it if you had, but surely it’s no worse that the newly dumbed-down BBC version (The Politics A-Go-Go Show! And here’s your host…Jerrremy Viiiiine!) but at least the ITV one doesn’t dance on the grave of its predecessor. “On the Record” was clearly axed to make way for the new “progressive polictics”.
In case you don’t know what “progressive politics” means, the ITV show was good enough to employ the skills of Irwin Seltzer, an ultra-right-wing would-be Neo-Conservative. “Would-be” because, according to many of the rabid ultra-right neo-nazis on the Internet, he is actually a raging Socialist!
Irwin explained to Jonathan “Dimbo” Dimbleby that, of course, Tony Blair was a Neo-Con. In fact, according to Irwin, Blair referred to the NC’s as, simply, progressive politicians. He also claimed that Blair outlined Bush’s entire foreign policy before Bush was elected.
I tend to agree with Irwin. Don’t have a go at me for that. I also agree that the Neo-Cons are the most evil and corruptive force on the planet, but they seem to be unbothered by this judging by their shockingly frank website. Irwin just went on record to say that Blair is complicit in this vile conspiracy.
Don’t panic – I’m going to stop before the red wine gets the better of me.
It was my mum’s birthday this week. To celebrate Michele and I bought her a digital radio (BBC7 is far too difficult to hear otherwise) and took us all out to dinner at an old favourite restaurant: The Village Taverna. We were slightly worried that it may have got broken since the last time we went there but it has only got better! Superb food, superb wine and reasonable prices in the most cosy atmosphere. OK, some would call it tacky, but only the joyless idiots. Top night.
There are load of other things, but they can wait for other days. Love to you all (espcially those that hate me – I know how much love fucks you off).
Skip this unless you’re a C programmer with a strong stomach…
I’m sure that the seasoned hackers and computer scientists amongst you will probably already have encountered Duff’s Device, but it was only after rambling along some overgrown link-paths from a slashdot article that I discovered it. In a nutshell, this is it:
send(to, from, count)
register short *to, *from;
register count;
{
register n=(count+7)/8;
switch(count%8){
case 0: do{ *to = *from++;
case 7: *to = *from++;
case 6: *to = *from++;
case 5: *to = *from++;
case 4: *to = *from++;
case 3: *to = *from++;
case 2: *to = *from++;
case 1: *to = *from++;
} while(--n>0);
}
}
As the man himself said, “Disgusting, no ?”. It’s just so, so, sick and weird, and yet so beautiful. It’s like one of those sculptures or pictures that your brain just can’t cope with; one that forces you to either run screaming or just stand there tilting your head and squinting.
It wasn’t until I’d compiled it and filled it with printf’s that it started to make sense but I’m still feeling slightly dirty…
Charles McKeown, one of the three writers of the Brazil screenplay (together with Terry Gilliam and Tom Stoppard), also has a role in the film. His first line is as follows (spoken in a loud and frantic tone):
“No you can’t borrow any more chairs! I’ve only got one left and I need that to sit on!”
Now that I too work for the MOI, I get it…
After 3 months of waiting, the gloriously beautiful Criterion Collection DVD box-set release of Brazil is now mine! I bought it from eBay and of course it never arrived; it was sent by post and, as every English person knows, the Post Office is now total shit and staffed by crooks on contract. However, when I complained, the vendor shipped me a new copy and I paid courier charges. Thanks – i got it and it’s perfect. In case you didn’t know, Brazil is my all time favourite film and so I wanted to own a good copy. This is a 3 DVD set containing all of the nerdy history behind the film’s release together with the version produced by Hollywood (Universal in fact) who decided that rather than being a beautiful political horror story it was, in fact, a lame love story. If you’ve ever wanted to see an example of how editing can break a piece of media/art etc then watch this.
Terry Gilliam has been elevated, in my mind at least, from mentor to hero since watching this beautifully put together collection. Criterion rule!
Gilliam took his battle with Sid Sheinberg at Universal into the public arena. An act that the latter described as “guerilla tactics”. Gilliam simply said that he wasn’t prepared to fight on their terms and with their weapons. It would be a massive understatement to say that I like that comment.
It’s all getting a tad sad at my (previous) workplace. Jif is fucking off forever and Lisa is going to disappear for a month. All very sad. As is going back to the union. For the first time in years I feel out of place there. Another new intake of students and staff help to destory any continuity and create a slightly sad atmosphere…IMO anyway.
We really need to move abroad. It will be very sad to leave my family, especially after the superb roast lamb we had tonight. It was a great night all round in fact.
Yet another apology to those, and you know who you are, whom I have neglected. I promise to write soon.
Night yall,
P.S.
Alex – you were so right abount Basement Jaxx.
Despite being a boring git, the last few days have been thoroughly thought provoking. The last two days of work consisted of being at a conference at a stupidly pretentious hotel in Kensington, albeit extremely well put together. The decor is so OTT they have art-deco designs on the wooden flat-screen monitors. However the food, organisation and staff were top notch. Being the only long-haired bearded scruff bag there (with one exception see later) made the whole experience quite unpleasant because everyone else was a white male in a grey suit. OK, there were two asian women in suits and possibly an asian man. But out of 60-70 people it was a total sausage fight. There was a woman speaker who, despite having a PhD in business bullshit, was introduced as “single, with a better golfing handicap than anyone else here and likes to drive fast cars” so she doesn’t count. Having a MegaCorp ID badge got me and my line manager a seat at the captain’s table for lunch. It also earned me the cleanest ringpiece in Christendom 🙂 Again, the food was superb, it’s just sad that the table consisted of such different personalities. Apparently the evening meal had a “carribean” theme with steel band, palm trees, the lot. No one seemed to see the irony that there wasn’t a black face in the joint. This is how the world is run – politicians, businessmen and officials are all white men in suits. No wonder the world is so fucked. Apart from the disturbing political aspects of the days, it was more difficult to deal with the boredom invoked by the event. The company trying to shift their shit (it was a sales conference but disguised as a “customer forum”) basically exists to defend other companies from litigation and help them develop a case. In fact the whole industry surrounding this event was involved in legal affairs. I’m sure they do a good job, but wouldn’t it be far simpler and cheaper to take all of the lawyers, throw them against the wall and shoot them in the face ?
Instantly the whole problem vanishes. We could save billions! No wonder the lawyer with a keynote managed to make a few jokes – the geezer’s laughing all the way to the bank. He cashes in even if he gets sued!
So come on people – shoot any lawyers that you know. Even if you like them, think of the destruction, waste and misery they cause. Please. Do it for Jesus.
In other news, there was a chirpy Norwegian guy at the conference who told me how astonished he was at the lack of jeans there – I liked him. Also I went to an anti-war demo on Saturday with Dave et al – made me feel sort of cleansed.
A friend of mine, Kauser, inadvertently introduced me to a really excellent word: Air. Not the noun that we all know and breath, but the verb.
Air vb.
To air is to ignore, dismiss or blank in an aloof or haughty manner.
Example:The next time I saw Britney she totally aired me man.
Well, the other day I got aired in the most nasty way imaginable by some 50-something woman who makes most of the uptight, straight, tosspots who populate my officeblock look like warm, friendly, hippies. I once made the mistake of trying to converse with her in front of the coffee machine, an act to which she responded with a dirisory sneer. The other day I held a door open for her and, as she walked through, she aired me with a look on her face which, when translated to English, said “that scruffy twat understands the concept of respect for his elders and betters then”. If I hadn’t found it so shocking I would have followed her back to her desk, opening every intervening door with the biggest cheesy grin I could muster. And then grinned as I shat on her keyboard. Much like Humphrey does.
Not depressed this time, just annoyed. Annoyed with the whole way life and society is structured in 2005…in London anyway.
Work: Why do we do it ? Most people would agree that we don’t like it, we don’t like most of the people there and we don’t do it out of choice. How crap is that ? We spend most of our waking lives in this crap situation. Even when it’s gorgeous and sunny out. Wouldn’t it be better to at least be with people we like ? Doing things we enjoy doing ?
OK we need to eat, but if we spent our days totally in search of food with our friends/partners at least it would be something we couldn’t bitch about – unlike doing the accounts in some crappy corporate hell-hole.
And don’t even get me started on dress codes…is there anything more bizarrely weird than that ? Ties ?
A workmate was kind enough to answer my “three meals away from revolution” query (Heinlein – although I’ve yet to validate this) so I’ll ask you all for the answer to this:
Why obscure shirt buttons ? Perhaps because they hint at the raw nudity underneath ?
Also, where do cotton trousers stop and jeans begin ? Why are they so offensive to business minded people ?
I’m concerned that my trouser/jean combination may be offending some of the office workers at my place of employment so I have decided to invest in a posh suit so I can look “business professional”. And, as there is nothing in the dress code about it, I’ll paint the words “Fucking Rats’ Cocks” on the back in acrylic paint.
Can’t do this for the rest of my life. Anyone want to fund a slacker ?
A ganglion is a small lump that forms on the hand or wrist. It’s harmless except that they can often hurt quite badly, and if they grow large then they can look really nasty. In the old, unenlightened times when people still believed in a god, they used to recommend hitting it with a bible. In fact I hear that the Kansas medical board have recently invested in several thousands of bibles for this and other medical cures. Oddly, this cure is supposed to work because the bible, being heavy, can smash the ganglion and disperse whatever it’s made of…ew
Years ago my mate Dave unintentionally grew a ganglion on his hand. It got so large and painful that it was interfering with his work, so he made an appointment with the hospital to have it removed. The weekend before the op we all ended up in Glastonbury (not during the festival) and thought it would be a good idea to climb the tor, despite the gale-force wind. We climbed up like excited schoolboys and by the time we reached the top I was genuinely worried about the prospect of being dragged off of the tor and on to the rocks at the bottom. It was really scary in a biblical sort of way. Anyway, once we’d reached the ground, Dave’s ganglion had totally disappeared! Cured by Glastonbury tor! He had to cancel the appointment and everything.
That was the last time I’d even considered ganglions until a couple of months ago, when a ganglion started to form on my wrist. It’s irritating rather than anything else and it tends to get in the way so I really wanted it to go. While I was on the phone to Michele earlier I told her it was irritating me and it brought to mind the old bible trick. Now, I do actually own a bible – I bought it in a dollar store in Philadelphia – but I thought I’d try the 21st century version. And besides, hard-disks are much heavier.
To cut a long story short: one quick thwack with a 150G Maxtor hard drive and it has totally gone! Maxtor be praised!
Good couple of days. It was quite late by the time I got home yesterday but Humphrey was very happy. She managed to compress a day’s worth of play into about half an hour. In case you, dear reader, do not own a parrot, let me tell you that it’s like having a tiny green Stan Laurel about the place. You can turn off the telly and watch her carefully play with something (TV remote control, phone, stick, delicate china cup) until it falls onto the floor, at which point she looks shocked that it moved in such a sudden way.
Then she will beak something with increasing ferocity until she falls off of it. Maybe later she will take a bath without wanting to get wet (seriously, she does this). Poor beautiful, dim, liitle bird.