Only my mum and dad could provide such entertainment. Not only did we get the best roast-beef dinner I’ve ever had, but we were also treated to anecdotes about:

• Calling the head of PYE records a cunt (in a totally respectful way)
• Getting arseholed on pints of complimentary champage at the PYE party where the head ‘cunt’ introduced him to leading members of the mafia.
• My great grandad getting caught with his shirt tails in the oven by Uncle Ernie….he was trying to dry the end of Ernie’s shirt to get the shit off that he had covered it in after a heavy night on th e piss
• The ugliest woman in the world who had a strange sexual allure and a load of kids who weren’t her husband’s.