Being a couple of lazy arsed (assed), procrastinators, we’ve left it until the 11th hour to organise cancelling phone lines and altering bank details for the move. Here is a break down of how easy each task was. Can you spot the odd one out ?
| Task |
Time taken |
Description |
| Notifying [credit card company] of our new address. |
2 minutes |
Called their number, negotiated their irritating but functional AVR system, changed our address. |
| Notifying [credit card company] of our new address. |
2 minutes |
Call their free number, tell the guy, all sorted. |
| Notifying our banks of our new address. |
3 minutes |
Call “Smile”, ask them, they advise sending a secure message via the website and will happily change the details on both the smile and co-op accounts. I login and send a message. |
| Notify our TV rental company that we’re moving and arrange for them to collect the gear. |
2 minutes |
Call them, answer the security questions, get it all sorted for Friday. |
| Arrange for our BT phone line to be cut off. |
Around an hour |
- Call 150.
- Negotiate their menu system.
- Get put in a queue for around 5 minutes.
- Get put through to someone who asks if we have BT broadband and receive an incomprehensible monologue from him.
- Get put on hold while I’m transferred to god knows where.
- Wait 25 minutes and 6 seconds.
- Start losing the will to live and decide to hang up.
- Hang up and redial 150.
- Negotiate their menu system.
- Get put through to a friendly chap who asks for my account number, which I don’t have.
- Fail to reason with him about authenticating me via other means and he hangs up mid sentence.
- Shout random obscenities which scares the parrot.
- Call a human at BT and offload all of my stresses to the poor sod before realising he’s just the switchboard guy.
- Arrange for a callback.
- Go upstairs to try and find an old BT phone bill that may contain an account number.
- Fail because we’re using direct debit.
- Get back downstairs as Michele is talking to the callback girl.
- Get really uptight and offload to the girl.
- Get told to stop shouting.
- Get so angry I can’t talk, which calms us both down.
- Get authenticated by other means, which the guy before said couldn’t be done.
- Arrange for the line to be turned off.
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