It’s official, I do not exist. This came as quite a shock to me because it means everything I’ve ever done and experienced is an illusion. My wife’s gonna kill me!
This astonishing find came to light when a couple of particularly dimwitted and highly authoritarian Wikipedia editors proved that I am simply an invention of my friend, colleague and guru, Mr Fritz. When work finds out there’ll be trouble – he’s been claiming two salaries!
Obviously, I wouldn’t have believed this, but I can’t dispute the facts: The CheckUser Tool (whoever he may be) has CONFIRMED I don’t exist! What a massively impressive tool he is.
As I may have mentioned before, all of this ridiculousness led me away from ever wanting any interaction with Wikipedia again. It saddens me on so many levels, but I can’t help appreciating the irony of the situation. Not only did I get banned as a result of trying to persuade my work colleague that Wikipedia editors aren’t a bunch of jumped-up, paranoid, power-mongers, but also the final insult was being accused of “Excessive vandalism” – despite the vast majority of my edits being concerned with reverting acts of vandalism.
Wikipedia has turned out to be a brilliant model of the Russian Revolution. Initially grand ideas about equality and justice caused the movement. Slowly a class system became established which was fraught with paranoia and fear – all of the enforcers believing that they were acting on behalf of “the cause”, but losing track of what that meant. Stalin was the ultimate exponent of this.
Luckily Wikipedia is just a website. If it were a state, then “deletionism” would have quite sinister overtones.
It’s ok, I will not mention this business again. Even my bitterness has receded, only to be replaced by sadness, disappointment and pity.
But good things have happened too, not least of which was discovering that the Thin Lizzy album I bought 15 years ago turns out not to be crap after all and instead it’s really bloody excellent. Is this what age does to us? Or is it just because I’ve finally got my vinyl hooked up again after so many years?
Also we had our office Christmas “do” on Monday. One of the great things about eating out with the rest of your workplace (apart from the free food and drink) is the considerable amount of entropy involved in seating. You end up sitting around people you don’t normally talk to for the rest of the year. Obviously it can go either way, but unless you’re really unlucky, it’s usually more positive than negative.