It’s been tough recently. The Gsmiths party season notwithstanding. In the past few days I have be 0wned by Gsmiths for every hour of the day, with the exception of a couple of stolen hours in a bar at some point during the day. Even sleep doesn’t spare me. The “research project” into which I have fully become esconed doesn’t leave me for a second. Work, debt and an impending sense of doom have marred every aspect of my waking life.
But, despite what you might think, I’m feeling ok at the moment. Maybe some sort of end-of-the-road type relief, maybe a moment of clarity, maybe a moment of realisation that the 1.5L of red wine, that we bought with our Nectar points, has mysteriously fucked off. Who can tell ?
Well – the LRC christmas pissup and the Gsmiths Ball have now passed, and jolly good fun they were too, except for:
- The stupid amount of self-destructive drink consumed
- The near fight with someone whom I would have described as a close friend…until it became obvious he was nearly all the way to becoming a total tit
- The jaded feeling of ennui that comes about from experiencing that same-old-shit-for-another-year feeling
- The fear of moving house again
- The fear that by the time my Visa appliction reaches the US embassy the US will be yet another fascist state.
But, on the good side
- There are lots of work colleagues I’m really feeling close to
- My “old” friends I really miss and look forward to seeing over christmas
- Humph is on the back of my chair as I type and Michele is sitting nearby and I love them both
- I worked at Daydream today and achieved one or two minor things that make me feel better about my abilities. Good to see Ralph too. Refreshing good company
- my dreams are becoming more bizarre and thus more entertaining
- this album my dad gave me, “Mailbag Blues” is superb. Ranging from blues to the avant-garde via funk and Gong-style story-telling. I love it!
- A good friday. Nice pub visit at lunchtime with the usuals + Lucinda, Patrick and Brian, followed, later in the afternoon, by Sacha’s leaving do.
Merry Christmas folks.