Good evening everyone, and welcome to this week’s edition of “Name That Scumbag”! What a lovely audience you are. So much better than last week’s! But seriously, can you name this week’s scumbag ? Here are the clues:
- He got the bus with me this evening
- Half way home he said he was getting tired and needed a sleep
- He laid back and closed his eyes ready for slumber
- Then, whilst appearing to sleep, let out the most obnoxious, deathly, abomination of a fart that I have ever been unfortunate enough to smell
It made my eyes water! It was awful, awful, awful, and I knew that the crowd of people sitting around us were having problems with it too. There was coughing! I tried closing my eyes to stop the watering, but it started to sting and all I could do was wince. If this could have been bottled, Saddam would have won the second Gulf war. Everyone nearby was clearly having problems and understandably thought it must have been my fault, as I was apparently the epi-centre. Surely that soporific cherub next to me would never have been able to produce something so vile.
Obviously, I considered waking him up with a loud reprimand, but I knew he would be loudly, and devastatingly frank about it, and as an Englishman that would have been enough to force me to join the foreign legion.
So David, what sort of scumbag could let out a guff like this?