It’s a vicious circle. If you get depressed, you try to take your mind off it by doing things to cheer yourself up…these things often worsen the reasons why you were depressed in the first place. Some people drink, some spend money, some take drugs. If the problem you originally had was lack of cash then all three “solutions” exacerbate the problem. If the problem was just plain old depression then drink or drugs will work against it. If it was both you’re fucked.
My dreams have been vivid and slightly disturbing. Sadly I can relate pretty much off of it to real life events. A common theme is a new take on the classic dream of trying to run but feeling like your legs wont move. For me it’s always a simple task I have to do that I just can’t complete because I get it wrong, or can’t type properly or keep messing it up. These tasks are usually extremely dull like, for example, getting two Windows 98 machines to print to the same printer. I know what to do, but I mistype things, or need a CD I don’t have, or get distracted etc etc. This really is my subconscious taking the piss out of me. There’s nothing I hate more than working with Windows, and IRL it’s just as tedious. Oh fuck a random crash. Reboot. Wait….wait…wait…try this…oh shit it’s found new hardware…arrrggghhh…CD…reboot..wait wait…wait..blue screen…arrrrgh. Hell for me would be to suffer, like Sisyphus, with 1000 Windows computers in a circle sorting them all out one by one. By the time I get to the beginning they’ve all started breaking again.
But despite having spent all day yesterday sorting out a couple of Win2K machines (OK I’m a whore – we need the money to fly out to the US in October), that’s not why I believe it’s invading my dreams. The real reason is more to do with being unable to do the things I want to do, because I get distracted, tired or just…don’t do them. There are so many things I’d like to be doing and playing with, but I don’t. I spent an hour today sitting on the sofa, thinking about them and getting really pissed off that I wasn’t doing them…but not actually going out to do them. Then I went to bed for a few hours sleep. No dreams, just lovely sleep.
Last night I dreamed that a very good friend of mine had died. It was very realistic and very upsetting. In real life this is simply because that person has, after a long period of uncertainty, been told he has to leave his job…and he works with me. This is very sad and he fits in so well here, and clearly loves it as much as I, grudingly, do.
Enough of this nonsensical crap.
Friday night was probably really good. I don’t remember anything past realising that Tequila was a pound a shot. Evidently I managed to wobble into Dixy chicken and buy a whole peri-peri chicken but everything else is blank. We had a massive after-work turn out, mainly because Rakesh had invited every eligable woman in the joint out as phase one of his plan to get back into a relationship. 3 weeks out in the Zambian bush (fnarr fnarr) made him more determined than ever and he deserves an award for his superb effort.
Aamzingly I didn’t get a hangover, which is bloody good luck considering I had to work all day saturday (the Windows machines).
In heaven, all there is is BSD and Slackware.
