Om Nama Shivaircon

“Why,” asked the American “don’t you have air-conditioning over here ?”
“Well, it’s not really hot enough over here” replied the Englishman, with sweat pouring off of his face and looking like he’d entered the City of London Mr Wet Shirt competition.

Since Michele arrived in London (ie over ten years ago) the summer has been unbearably hot for at least a month every year. However, the English choose not to remember this, favouring the traditional false memories of summer consisting of wearing full-body bathing costumes, in bathing machines, by a brown sea…in the rain.

OK, I know aircon is an environmental evil, I know using too much energy caused the problem in the first place and I have seen Dogma, but damn I wish we had fucking aircon in the UK. Last week I had to spend 3 hours a day on the tube with a load of other poor sods travelling in the dangerous heat in their suits. At least my current employer doesn’t insist on that nonsense.
You must wear a suit because it’s smart. Is it ? What looks more “un-professional” in your eyes ? A bloke in a t-shirt and shorts, or a bloke in a suit that is so soaked in sweat you can see his bollocks ? Oh but look at the nice tie! You can hardly tell his shirt has buttons!

It was 95F today, humid as the rainforests and totally bearable. Why ? The house has has aircon, the car has aircon and the house we went to had aircon.

Americans take A/C for granted which is bad I know. But the sheer, pure pleasure of walking into a house with central air is enough to keep me going. I apologise. It’s wrong and dirty, but it feels so good.

The other thing the Engish don’t have, which is far less dangerous, far simpler, and such an obviously good idea, is the “screen”. English people, imagine this if you can:

Keep your windows open and prevent insects coming in at the same time! Difficult to believe ? Read on..
Have a parrot ? Imagine being able to let it fly about the house, but with the windows open! It’s true! It can be done! And there’s no magic or witchcraft!

I can say no more because this invention is too cutting edge and I’m sworn to secrecy. But look out for branches of “Screens and Cheesesteaks” coming to an out-of-town shopping mall near you soon.


Leave a Reply