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How embarrassing. Eastenders was put back an hour for match of the bastard day. This was the last straw, so I phoned the BBC duty office (08700100222) to complain – apparently they log and pass on all comments.

The bloke on the end of the phone did not seem to be that interested in my opinion, that match of the day should just fuck right off, and so it got slightly personal:
“Look, I’m not having a go at you, it’s just that there
are lots of licence payers who don’t like football, and who don’t give a toss about the queen.”

“But there are lots of licence payers who do like football and if we didn’t cover it then they would complain.”

“Come on, you’re scottish – surely you must agree that the jubilee is a total waste of time”
“actually I’m Irish”
“Oh shit. I’m so sorry.. that was stupid….but anyway, as an Irishman surely you must agree…hold on…Rupublic of ireland or Northern Ireland ?”
“Northern Ireland”
“Look, I’m really, really sorry. I fell like a right twat now”
and so I do. I blame the two bottles of wine.

Sorry man – but it turns out I’m a right wanker…


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