/dev/bollocks

by Veghead
A Middle-manager emulator for the Linux Kernel

An idea so crap, it can only have come from middle management

 

/dev/bollocks generates management bullshit whenever you need it.

Usage Example:

$ cat /dev/bollocks
whiteboard cutting-edge solutions
$

It is also something to which you can pipe information if you never want to see it again. eg

$ ./make.good.idea >/dev/bollocks
much like /dev/null....in fact, exactly like /dev/null.

It's implemented as a Linux device driver, and consequently bloats your kernel totally unnecessarily - just like a real middle manager. A program that is so obviously something that should exist in userland, in the kernel. We have yet to find a way to make the program wear a suit, but this feature should be in the next release.

This has only been tested on 2.4- I have no idea whether it will work on earlier/later kernels. Frankly I don't really care either. If you care, then send me a patch.

Get the latest release (v1.2) here: bollocks.tar.gz

Stu said:

I wouldn't say I care that much, but I needed something to generate my status report for the week, so here you go: http://nosnilmot.com/patches/bollocks_kernel26.patch
What a nice man.
I haven't tested this, and all sorts of disclaimers probably apply. One day I'll do a build but by the time that happens you'll probably already have employed a flying pig programmer to do it for you.

There are currently a few other related projects underway. Firstly Dev::Bollocks for perl.

Dave Rage kindly supplied spurt.pl to help put /dev/bollocks in your sig.

Alan Burlison has not only written a handy Java version for your mobile phone, but he's also working on Solaris 7/6/8/9/10 ports!

And now, leveraging the latest in Web 2.0 technologies, Alan brings you http://twitter.com/bollocks. Genius!

2008-06-14 Update:
I'm flattered to announce that someone was inspired enough by /dev/bollocks to port the superb twat-o-tron to the Solaris kernel: meet /dev/twat-o-tron! Genius, I'm sure you'll agree.

If you are working on a port or similar then please let me know.

If this fucks your system, then I don't want to know. Happy strategic planning.

See the file COPYING for licensing details.

Management bollocks vocabulary ruthlessly pilfered from dack.com. Go and see his site, he's the man.


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