Stick it up your arse

Instead of the usual Friday routine, which if nothing else is usually enjoyable at the time, this week I had the life-affirming experience of a double endoscopy; one up each end.

It was the worst hospital experience I’ve ever had and, apart from the loss of dignity, the misery and the sobbing, also resulted in the loss of most of my front teeth. I’m also convinced that despite being fitted with a cannula I was never actually given the seditive I was promised. He told me it was like drinking ten pints but while they were blocking my entire throat with razor blades and shoving barbed hosepipes up my arse it felt more like ten pints of coffee. I was very un-sedated. I reckon they wanted me out of there quickly.

So for the past few days I wasn’t in a very good mood. In fact I was on a right downer. This evening, in a pathetically geeky and optimistic atempt to cheer myself up, I decided to perform some almost totally unnecessary surgery on our trusty server, “teapot”. By simply replacing the 256M DIMM with two 128M DIMMS (don’t ask why) the primary hard-disk broke. Instead of working, as it was doing perfectly happily five minutes before, it simply sat there occasionally making screeching noises that really made the parrot feel uncomfortable. She’d already had a troubling day too, what with sitting through an episode of TOS Star Trek; the sound effects on the Enterprise bridge seemingly mean something significant to parakeets as she does her worried squawk repeatedly while the programme airs.

Anyway, we had a saturday night curry, some wine and watched “Shaun of the Dead” which has improved my mood.

Perhaps it would be better to count my blessings. At least I’m not a member of the England Cricket team.


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